menby

I'm doing good, at the gym and then I'm going to go back to playing horizon or maybe start elden ring. Anyone out here doing anything?

Currently taking psychology for gen ed requirements and it’s like 90% girls (judging from the portal pronouns), and next semester and forward my only classes (for now) will be engineering. The upside of STEM classes is that everyone is awkward and usually keep to themselves, but I imagine women in these classes know this and don’t want a bunch of weirdos approaching them.

But anyway, I’d like to accomplish... something. Anything really. I’ve only had few relationships back in high school and they only lasted a few months (usually because people transfer each year). And pretty much all of those times the girls were the one approaching me. But, this is real life and I’m expected to make the first move. I’m fine with that in theory, but I just don’t want to come off as weird or desperate and I don’t really have any precedents to judge my behavior on.

And truthfully, I am terrified of women around my age. I can converse with women like 5+ years older than me, but any girls 3 years older or younger than me I usually hit a brick wall. I’ve had female friends before and never had problems with talking to them since I didn’t have any feelings for them, but everyone in college is just so good looking and experienced I feel like I’m out of their leagues.

It's a feminine and non-binary trait as well, but safety is a manly trait.

In which men, desperately lonely and alienated, pay thousands of dollars to pretend to be Tier One operators. I urge you to read this if you want to stare deep into :amerikkka: brainworms

It seems to first come from MRA spaces, but then I seen some TERFs co-opt it, and even the FDS subreddit uses some of that logic?

Is this really interpretation people are getting from nature? I did see FDS, and TERFs try to compare humans to bee social structures which is a weird take.

I have been a straight guy for as long as I can remember. Ive had multiple relationships, plenty of enjoyable sexual encounters, and obviously seen women as a point of attraction since i was very young.

However, my long term relationship has suffered because I started having these panic attacks about that. I start obsessing over the idea that I may not be straight, as a result of some erectile dysfunction, which of course only makes that panic worse.

Lately, almost exactly after I turned 30, its like that part of my brain just shut off. I can, most of the time, become erect and do the deed (so to speak) but its like a part of my brain is missing. The part that wants it, its so quiet compared to before. I have obsessive doubts about what im feeling, all the time. I dont enjoy anything. I cant masturbate, because when I do find a fleeting grasp of arousal it is met with a wave of depression and anxiety that shuts it down.

Im going to my first therapy session today, but im in a lot of pain and just wanted a place to put it.

Edit: weed was a major trigger and ive since given it up

Edit: would also just like to thank everyone for responding, thank you to the community.

In How Can I Get Through to You?, family therapist Terrence Real tells how his sons were initiated into patriarchal thinking even as their parents worked to create a loving home in which antipatriarchal values prevailed. He tells of how his young son Alexander enjoyed dressing as Barbie until boys playing with his older brother witnessed his Barbie persona and let him know by their gaze and their shocked, disapproving silence that his behavior was unacceptable:

Without a shred of malevolence, the stare my son received transmitted a message. You are not to do this. And the medium that message was broadcast in was a potent emotion: shame. At three, Alexander was learning the rules. A ten second wordless transaction was powerful enough to dissuade my son from that instant forward from what had been a favorite activity. I call such moments of induction the “normal traumatization” of boys.

To indoctrinate boys into the rules of patriarchy, we force them to feel pain and to deny their feelings.

I already feel this with my son. The fact that a radically anti-patriarchal home environment could be undone by a silent 10 second interaction is maddening. My entire childhood experience with gender was focused on shame and how shameful it is to be girly. I don’t want that for my sons and I don’t want the impacts of that for my daughters.

This goes out to all the trans and cis dudes chillin out there. We love you comrades!

I feel like a guy. I like to do “manly” stuff. Boxing, weightlifting, sports, etc. However, the concept of “being a man” sounds kinda far fetched to me. Like it’s an abstract concept that is impossible to achieve. Is a man supposed to be stoic or brash? Dress up in a tie and suit or wear carhartt and have a beard? Then they’re are guys who dress up or wear makeup. Gender related expressions are so constructed that I realized while I feel like a guy I wouldn’t mind if someone referred to me as they.

I want to be able to paint my nails without feeling embarrassed but then go to a boxing gym and spar. I don’t know if it’s a political rejection of masculinity but just wondering if anyone has experienced something similar.

Kinda stuck me cause I almost never hear men talk that way. In 30 years I don't think I've told my best friend I love him more then twice. Hell I even have anxiety using heart emojis. It's honestly really encouraging to hear men talk this way, maybe some day I'll be able to be one of them.

Sigma Male more like Sigma Balls haha got 'em.

Title

I found this paper, and it is really an interesting read.

Abstract: "Matrilineal in Minangkabau is well-known, especially by social scientists. This research is also deal with matrilineal in Minangkabau society. It specifically focuses on the position of men in the matrilineal andtheir view of the position.This research was conducted in Padang by a qualitative method. Data were collected from participant observations and in-depth interview. Research findings showed that Minangkabau men experienced an imbalance between obligations and rights in kinship.They were honored as the leader of their relative through some social and economic responsibilities. On the other hand, they did not have a complete right to the economic resources that are controlled by the woman. The men were discriminated against based on this regulation. There are massive differences between men and women related to the legacy. There were numerous abandoned men in their old age. However, the Minangkabau men did not consider it because of the effect of matrilineal customs."

Plz help

Also, looks like the person who made this video, Kevin Meier, himself perpetrated abuse. Claim 1 . Claim 2 .

Really, it looks like quite a few people were involved in both sides of the equation. Here's Maggie Olsen who did something similar.

Either way, this just shows that this toxic culture really is pervasive to an incredible extent.

Damn good video.

It seems like a mix of the PUA and Instagram subcultures in the West...

Figured I'd talk rn while I feel like the ground pulled apart under me in a way positive and odd. So recently, like 5 minutes ago, found out my sister bought a car to drive herself to work and I'm happy for her but feeling weird.

No secret that I'm neet and live at home. I guess to put it simply I've tied my self-esteem in what I could do for others. One where the transactional nature of capitalism is based on. I get love only so long as I'm useful to those around me and no love otherwise. This of course a ridiculous standard I would never hold to other people but one I can't shake off myself so easily.

Was the driving tough yeah but I was getting used to it. Same with the need of postponing drink or other activities so as to be useful in driving my sister where she was needed.

Now though, I feel as though I lost something and I feel a sense of sadness and dread. Brain is meh but I feel it in my stomach.

I know there is still more to do around the house but the question comes do I do it because it needs to be done or to preserve the other esteem that this patriarchal system as instilled in me. I've heard the term other esteem once to mean a self esteem rooted in other people or external and thought it would fit here.

Normally I'd try not to think about but I know if left unaired this will fester. I also have the duty of being some kind of role model here now that I'm a mod. To this end I shall be more open with my emotions and encourage other masc comrades to do the same here.

I would like to here what my masc comrades thoughts on being needed and doing stuff. Tell me your thoughts, feelings, and anything you always wanted to say but were too afraid to. I'm new at this but will try my best to respond with empathy and understanding because we all need it :hug

So I read this on the recommendation of two comrades here and I loved it. Hard read at times since crying and having to confront a lot about myself and my up bringing to realize I got a lot of work I need to do to be full emotion feeling. I'd encourage everyone to read it or at least stop by here to ask any questions y'all might have on it. I'll do my best to answer anything but would like to get everyone's thoughts on it.

It looks like an interesting paper. I haven't read it or heard the podcast OP is referring to.

But I can definitely see his point on how toxic masculinity can be used as a weapon by liberals to further marginalise the poorer classes and communities of colour.