Ok, never done this before, and being a bloke, struggle to ask for help. I guess I'm hoping for some advice and to just get it off my chest. I've created a new account for this, for which it will shortly become obvious why.
I've got myself addicted to cocaine.
There, said it.
About a year ago, I went on a Stag with some relatively new friends. That was when I bought coke for the first time. I've used very occasionally in the past, but never actually bought any for myself. There was no pressure, I guess I just wanted to have fun and boost my confidence with new friends and some people I'd not met.
A month or so later, I had another night out and thought it'd be fun to buy some more. Then I bought more... And more... And more.
I'm now buying pretty much weekly and keep telling myself that this will be the last lot. Obviously, it never is! I'm now just doing it at home, not even when going out anymore.
Life should be good, I've got a great wife, 2 lovely kids, a nice house and a stable job. It just feels like something, I don't know, is missing? I feel like I should be happy, but for some reason I'm actually not. I'm approaching mid 40s, so I guess it could be a mid life crisis!
Luckily I earn fairly well, so I've not got myself in any real money issues yet, but I need to stop. My wife doesn't know, but I am not being a good husband at the moment. My family is everything to me, and I worry I will if I tell my wife.
Wtf to do?!
Stop it. Im not going to mince words on this. Even if you can afford it, I havent seen anyone develop a cocaine addiction and not turn into a piece of shit from it some point along the line. At some point youre going to end up making things shit for your family, trust me it will happen. As for feeling like somethings missing, cocaine or anything that is a temporary distraction from, that will only make it worse over time. You arent going to figure out what it is you need if youre constantly off your face.
I have a family who have suffered from alcohol, heroin and cocaine addictions, that part of my family is Dark and I wouldnt even wish it on my enemies. Ive lost a lot of friends to cocaine - theyve just turned into shit heads or the less lucky ones have hit psychosis. Its everywhere nowdays.