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Abuse is abuse rule (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 69 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

One downfall of what I only hesitantly refer to as modern feminism (although really I'm talking about terfs and the terf-adjacent) is that it has painted men as dangerous by default. I'm also a trans woman so I've seen both sides of the coin, too... I do feel less safe now, this is true. Many things were easier when I was living as a man. But I was never dangerous or an abuser.

Nonetheless, a former partner used accusations of abuse against me and turned so many people on me. The only ones that stuck by me were former romantic partners, who knew the accusations couldn't have been true. For everyone else, it was so easy to accept that a man - even a clearly gentle one - would be an abuser.

In reality I've been a victim of abuse - physical, emotional, sexual... All long before I transitioned.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

Im so sorry for you,hope you are better now ❤️

[–] Dyskolos 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I hear you. I'm working voluntarily with (mostly) women who were abused horribly. Also mostly from an early child's age on to the point of being utterly broken. Fear of men is not only officially a thing in the ICD but also more or less the norm amongst those. The prejudice against me (2m wardrobe with a resting bitch face) is always palpable and always takes so much time to gain trust. Sometimes it's just impossible and that's very sad.

Long story short: yes. It's easy to prejudge men to be abusers. Sadly because most abuser probably are men. But it's also important to be able to see that not all of us are.

Also sorry to hear that. And i can totally see that happening...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I can understand it in those that have been abused, even if I disagree. And I suppose unfortunately that is such a huge portion of people, especially women. I even see it in myself - despite seeing the reasons, I can't help but feel at least a little concern when I pass a man in the street. I mean, I feel a little when I pass women too, but it's a very different fear. From men I fear violence, from women only rejection or disrespect.

It seems an impossible situation, another cycle of abuse. I hope we can find a way out, but I don't know at all what it is.

[–] Dyskolos 1 points 2 weeks ago

It's ok to feel concern or be worried if a man passes. In the end, we ARE the violent ones in tendency. What matters is ones own safety. As long as one is able and willing to look behind his/her prejudice ( i dislike the negative connotations this word has) there is no harm done at all. That's the tiny but important difference between being careful and a sexist 😉

And there rarely is a way out of abuse. It will always be there 😕