this post was submitted on 28 Mar 2024
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I'll choose 3, 5, and 7.

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[–] [email protected] 72 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (4 children)

I choose pink, my favorite drink is water. More water per water!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 8 months ago

I would be content even if it gets chilled and tastes like filtered spring water.

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[–] [email protected] 64 points 8 months ago (1 children)

TWENTY WHOLE DOLLARS

TWENTY BUKAROONIES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TWENTY O' DEM BIG ONES

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Awwwwh, but I wanted a peanut!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago

Money can be exchanged for goods and services

[–] [email protected] 55 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Doesn't face hair technically include eyebrows

[–] [email protected] 48 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Hmm technically yes. So this will be more of a monkey's paw type wish granting.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)

You can do makeup that looks like eyebrows and it's less of a hassle than shaving constantly.

Besides, with the center pill, you could look like an unkempt troll and the people you find attractive would still like it; the lack of facial hair is thus for your convenience, like not needing to shave.

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 8 months ago (3 children)

the black pill is 100% just amphetamine u ain't slick genie

[–] [email protected] 19 points 8 months ago (3 children)

*Not valid in people with ADHD.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago

Not you can't sleep, just don't have to. Def some amphetamine though.

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Blue, Brown, and Black seem like the obvious 3 best to me.

You can go out on the town and fuck all night because people find you attractive and you don't need sleep, then you can talk to their cats afterwards.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Idk, you're running the risk of brown backfiring if cats are dicks or don't have anything interesting to say. Purple gives you a potential income stream, at least

[–] [email protected] 8 points 8 months ago

So does Brown, you could be the cat whisperer. There's plenty of money to be made there. You could even potentially solve crimes, asking cat witnesses what they saw.

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)
  • $20
  • Pizza master chef
  • No need to sleep (as long as I can still if I so desire)

I'd also choose a reverse body hair pill if that was an option. I want to grow wicked 70s sideburns but my genes say no.

Edit: also water tasting like beer or coffee would be weird so I'd avoid that one

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I don't really care for cats, but if you could talk to them you could make a fuck load of money. So I'll stay up all night making perfect pizzas, then go inform all the cat ladies why their cats hate them during the day.

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 8 months ago (1 children)

why does the estrogen have the beats by dre logo on it

[–] [email protected] 46 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 8 months ago (4 children)

I would choose the estrogen if I could but I'm still gauging family and friends to see if it's safe to come out

I wish there was a trans god who could magically change the bodies of trans people including me to their chosen gender identity so it was like they where born that gender

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 8 months ago (2 children)

5, 8, 9

Water already is my favorite drink.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago

And tastes like water, as how I like it.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Yellow is pretty terrible, people don't look very good without eyebrows.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 7 months ago (2 children)

5,7,9 all the way. I'm happily married, but people are typically nicer to you if they find you attractive and I have a pretty low bar

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Why is $20 even in consideration with the not needing sleep pill. Hell I'd probably choose the not need sleep pill over $20 million. It's effectivity massively increasing your lifespan, but without making you outlive everyone you know

[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Bro, sleeping is like a free sample of death every night, why would you give that up? With that $20 I can buy like 3 gallons of gas!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago (2 children)

The pill doesnt stop you from sleeping just makes it so you dont have to

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Are we, uh...taking this at face value or monkey pawing it? Cause some of those seem great on the surface, though one small twist and that shit becomes a curse.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 months ago (6 children)

At least 20 dollars is 20 dollars, worst thing that can happen is it's fake money and not really 20 dollars.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago

One of your loved ones gets in a horrible accident and the 20 dollars is the insurance payout (straight from the original monkey's paw story)

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 7 months ago

I'll take 60 dollars.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago

6, 8, 9. Anyone that chooses something else is crazy. Experienced pizza maker can make $40 an hour in my neighborhood (high CoL) the cat thing I could change by the hour! And nobody else doesn't sleep! I could take advantage of that in many ways.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I get the facial hair, but what will you do with no body?

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago

Black, brown, and purple. My cats and I are going to open the greatest 24/7 pizzeria.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago

Alright, Cat build lets go. GImme the ears and tail, the catspeech, and the no sleep.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago

$20

Don't Sleep

People Find You Attractive but I destroy it so that its dark power can never be used.

P.S. Jokes on you I'm already a master pizza chef, water is already my favorite drink, and my hairy body is perfect.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 8 months ago (4 children)

Black and blue because I live in a capitalist wasteland and need the competitive edge. Water is my favorite drink and I already talk with cats so I'm not sure what my 3rd pick should be.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Do currently you talk with cats? Or talk to cats?

Because if you're not successfully working with your cats as cat burglars, you're only talking to cats.

For what it's worth, I picked the same 3

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago

As a master pizza chef and cat whisperer who doesn't need to sleep, I could easily make enough money to buy estrogen and laser hair removal.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago

Can I choose $20 three times. If so, then I choose that. I really need $60.

Otherwise I choose $20 and the pizza chef one. I’ll sell enough pizza to earn $40 and then quit.

I’ll pass on the third thing.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

All my life I wanted blue ( We're all sexy here ) but recently my libido has gone through the floor. It's like I still like I still like cute people but my brain doesn't know what to do with them, so I pet them like I do my cat.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

2, 3, 9 are all I need

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

So you could become a hairless cat with $20.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago

blue, brown, black. do the cats talk back to me in a human voice, or can i just understand their meows? either option works, but I like meows bc my cats all make weird sounds and I've grown attached.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

3, 8, and 9. I already have estrogen and already am a master pizza chef. 5 is unethical, it's basically mind control

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago

5 doesn't force them to like you, it just makes you attractive to them. I don't consider it anymore unethical than plastic surgery.

[–] AI_toothbrush 7 points 7 months ago

Grindset: purple, brown and black

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