You may find you struggle with step 1.
this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2024
401 points (98.8% liked)
Greentext
4452 readers
475 users here now
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
I've been trying to do step one for years. But my bastard relatives refuse to die, and also refuse to be rich. Selfish I call it.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Zoos tend to struggle with Step 7 and they have far better conditions than a beat up converted freighter
load more comments
(1 replies)
Antarctica is generally colder than the Arctic. They would almost certainly be stuck along the coastlines of Antarctica like the penguins are, since the interior average temperatures rival the coldest ones ever recorded in the Arctic. They should be fine there, but then that means they have a very limited distribution and that penguins and seals consequently are always forced to share an environment with the polar bears. Because they're not used to the polar bears, their populations would likely be destroyed, leaving the polar bears to starve. Unlike in the Arctic, too, they would have nowhere to retreat if their food supply ran out. Outward is hundreds of kilometers of ocean, and inward is hundreds of kilometers of unsurvivable desert.
they would have nowhere to retreat if their food supply ran out.
Um. Hello? There are scientists there.
Which means scientific papers, then tourists, then garbage and a symbiotic relationship, then the eventual domestication of polar bears.
Not, you know, the international scientific community treating scientists like cats.
"Return Eenie or we feed another physicist to the bears. We know you fuckers took him."
load more comments
(2 replies)
Etymologists crying and shaking right now at the thought of Antarctica (meaning: without bears) gaining the one animal it's not supposed to have
I read that as entomologist for a second and was really confused
Figured it had something to do with fleas
This comment sent me down a rabbit hole. I had no idea the arctic is called that because it was the Greek for 'of the bear' because they used Ursa Major to guide them north. And the the arctic is the most northerly point.
Fucking wild. Mind blown.
Wdf how are we just learning this?! Can’t they teach it with the continent names??
load more comments
(1 replies)
I'm not saying this will definitely reverse the Earth's polarity and doom all life on earth, but do we really want to take that chance?!
load more comments
(1 replies)
I'd say that if all you want to do is scare the shit out of some scientists in Antarctica you probably only need 1 polar bear
or a dog
Nah let's really confuse them. A lion.
nah, it'd freeze to death too fast
Antarctica compatible fursuit of a lion
Spray-paint a polar bear orange and stick a mane on it. Confusing and scary.
load more comments
(1 replies)
I've recently learned that bears absolutely love cocaine. I'm sure that's relevant here somehow.
Thats why polar bears have white coats
I thought they had white coats because they take their methamphetamine production lab very seriously.
Pretty sure they are just rolling around in cocaine all day, hence why they are the most feared of the bears. Constantly off their head
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
4 million buy a freight boat
I work in supply chain but not a complete expert but the smallest cheapest working order freight ship I can find for sale is this one for $6MM, doesn't include licensing, crew, insurance and the dreyage/accessorial on live polar bears is gonna cost you big
https://petronav.net/container-ships-for-sale/container-adilia-i-ex-e-r-auckland
Does it really need to be a big container ship?
Didn't people transport stuff in smaller boats back in the day?
(You still make a valid point though)
Idk, polar bears are really heavy, and it takes a long time to get from one end of the planet to the other, so you want something secure to store the bears in. That means a bigger ship that can handle angry bears hurling themselves at the walls of their cage, because they will wake up during the journey, and they won't be happy.
Just do it while they're hibernating 4head
For some reason, just imagining this is fucking hilarious. OOP on a shipping container being mutinied by dozens of feral pissed of polar bears
they did specify freight! although getting The Cutty Sark back in working order is probably even more costly.
I think the penguins would learn to just swim away, and the bears would starve since they would need to expend a lot of effort for a small bird versus the calorie-dense seals they're used to.
To be fair, some penguins aren't exactly small
That is a king penguin, not even the tallest subspecies (emperors are taller), but what you're looking at is an optical illusion because the penguin is much closer to the camera than the humans.
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(2 replies)
load more comments
(6 replies)
Would work until the penguin pop. is too small and then they start dying out again
So then part of the program needs to be penguin Viagra to keep the numbers up
Listen to this. How about we get a big boat, put the surviving penguins inside and ship them to the Artic!
load more comments
(1 replies)
This reminds me of a friend that once proposed that if we really wanted to mess with Europe we could release a few packs of coyotes
Then you have a penguin population crisis
Tbf we already have that due to glacier melt
load more comments
(2 replies)
I was really hoping OP wanted to drop the polar bears on a tropical island. For science.
only if you can find some weird magnetic anomaly and plane crash survivors
load more comments
(1 replies)
It depends on the goal. For example it'd work if you want to render every penguin species endangered or worse.
Neal Stephenson book, Termination Shock.
Sounds reasonable.
view more: next ›