this post was submitted on 07 Nov 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 152 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

She probably broke up because anon uses terms like "gay yelp"

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I love when my partner gay yelps* tbh

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago

You should use more lube

[–] [email protected] 88 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I wish annon would let our gay yelps for me :3

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

OHGODOHGOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I DIDN'T THINK THIS WOULD WORK

[–] [email protected] 34 points 2 weeks ago

Show 'em your butthole!

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 weeks ago

I hope this interaction has given you the confidence to plan out your second line after saying hello :))

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I feel like that's the missing last sentence: Am meeting dudes now.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

I am become gay yelp

[–] [email protected] 61 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

That reminds me of the time I took a date to go see "The Hills Have Eyes". It was a dine-in theater, and I had gotten breadsticks and marinara. We just sat down and started to eat, and the date was going pretty good. If you've ever seen that movie, the opening scene is a jump scare right off the bat. I had a mouth full of breadstick and was actively holding the cup full of marinara that I launched directly into her chest because I jumped. Anyways, the date didn't work out and it was pretty awkward for the rest of the movie.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Another bad one I had once, we we're in a really good Mexican close the theater and it was really good, we were chatting and laughing, until the nachos came by. She started to take all the fully loaded nachos, you know, the ones that are full of cheese and meat, leaving me only the ones that are just the chip. So I got up and went to talk to someone of the staff, to ask if they had some rule in the restaurant about one person eating all the fully loaded nachos alone, he said that they don't had one (pretty crazy that this is nor a regularly enforced thing, but wharever) and I asked him to please just go to our table and made the rule up. He was nice and help me, but my date felt it was very strange and asked him if I was the one who made up the rule, and he snitches me up! Can you believe it? So, she got upset and said that she was leaving, but it was too soon for the movie and she was like we're not going to the movie. The movies was good by the way, was this one with Santa, he was a cop and I heard he was paid 2M for that.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

we we're in a really good Mexican close the theater and it was really good.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The second really good was about the conversation, not the restaurant.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago

It was an attempt to get you to proofread. I think you accidentally a restaurant.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

You rolled and failed the charisma check. Unlucky because that could have been smooth.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

Should have gone out with the Italian chick instead.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

There's a whole gay site dedicated to that

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago

Is it yelp.com?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago
[–] AI_toothbrush 24 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

At that point i think its good that they broke up. Men have emotions.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Also, isn't that the whole point of scary movies? I love scary movies and I show that by reacting to the good jump scares, gore, and creepiness. If it bored me so much I didn't react, I probably would find something else to watch. My partner gets a real kick out of watching me jump too.

[–] AI_toothbrush 2 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah but you have to keep in mind that most relationships are for show. What you have is a real relationship. You actually want to bond with the person and not just sex and social validation.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

Plot twist: It was the equestria girls movie.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

Anyone know what movie?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

Gay yelp:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KF0I2h8xx-0

"Yeah, that's a bleepin' dead alien body..."

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Ah a shitpost

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

What's that Bill Burr bit? The one about the bitch noises on the plane?