Asklemmy

Booze helped

I just told them one day that I’m taking them out for sushi and paying, and that it’s not a date. We were friends for a couple years before, so they were like “hell yeah free sushi!”

They turned it into a date…. Slyly bringing art book they drew in, and knowing I’d be like OOO WHAT’S THAT on the way home. I sat down for a good half hour and was marveling at their cute artistic talent.

We’ve been together for almost 13 years.

In my experience you dont *get over* the fear—you only work up the courage to do it anyway.

Nobody ever fell in love without being a little brave

Just gotta work up to ask. For me, I started by asking her to come to a group outing with me. No, not the sleezy tactic of "Totally going to be a group" then it's just me, but actually a group outing. My friends knew I liked her and they tried to sit so we'd be next to each other. Couple of weeks I worked up the courage to finally ask her to see a movie with me, and she said yes.

At the end of the day, it's cliche but the worst that would happen is "No." If it's a no, it sucks, but accept it, and move on. It's done, it's over. No maybes, no what ifs, just, hey she's not into you, and rejection is never fun, but it happens to the best of us. If she says yes, then great!

Just remember, number 1 tippy top best advice I can give - relationships and love are not like the movies. They just aren't. She's a real person, just like you. She has hobbies, likes, dislikes, and she may be a completely different person than who you have in your head. Don't just ask out a crush you barely know. Get to know her, the real her, not the one you built up in your head. She's not going to be your Robin Scherbatsky, or your Leia, Arwen, or <>, she's not going to be the imaginary girl you imagined in your head and what you are going to do, she's a real human. I like to ground anyone who has a crush and pull them back down to earth. Crushes are fun, but we romanticize the person into someone they're not. Make sure you like them, not who you think they are.

If you don't feel ready to ask her out, like if you don't know her very well, then trust that feeling, and do what I did, try to find some mutual ground where you can get to know each other a bit more. Group settings are great for this, see how well you get along together. When you're ready, it'll still be terrifying, but like the quote says, no one ever fell in love without being a little brave.

Note: I realized I wrote this from my point of view. Swap out the pronouns if they don't apply.

I was friends with her and I trusted that she would handle it well if she wasn't interested. And turns out she indeed wasn't interested, but we did talk about it and decided to just stay friends. It was a little awkward as my feelings for her still lingered a bit, but eventually that passed and I'm now with a wonderful girl who I think is a much better match for me.

We're still friends to this day.

my social butterfly mother taught me about a "fake-ness" that's worked well for me in situations like this: when you talk to them, follow every opportunity that reveals something about themselves (eg "you mentioned that you liked the color blue, i kinda like it too because of X, why do you like it?") and do it even if it bores you and you grasp at straw to keep the conversation going. people love talking about themselves and love it even more with an audience that seems into it and, at the end, either your crush will be dispelled or now your crush is aware of you.

if they act odd after that; then they don't feel the same way about you that you feel about them and move on. if they do feel the same way about you OR if they don't, but they still like you; they'll likewise look for an excuse to tell you more about themselves.

I'll give the same advice I give on everything:

"In 6 months, will taking this action still have a major effect on your life?"

So, in 6 months, will a "no" change your life in a meaningful way from what it is today? If the answer is no, let that sink in.

Once you can logically define what's "impactful", it makes it a whole lot easier to do those things that seem scary in the moment. And once you do those things aleven a few times, they get easier and easier.

It takes work but try to stop giving a fuck what anyone thinks of you. Once I did that my life got so much better. Not to be confused with not caring about others just don't worry what they think of you. That's their cross to carry.

Alcohol.

I married her.

By working on my self-esteem. A lot of the fear is tying your worth on the outcome of approaching your crush.

If you decouple your self-worth on whether your crush reciprocates or not, then you can come as close as you like.

If it doesn't work out, at least you'll know and you can move on. If you don't do it, you'll regret it forever.

Just fucking do it - it either works out or it doesn't but if it doesn't work out it's no loss to you because it was never going to work out.

I changed schools. Now, even if I wanted to approach her, I can't!

Kidding aside, I asked myself "if I am so anxious even approaching her, how can I even be in a relationship with her?" and basically forced myself to decide whether to: "yeah, this is a crush that I won't be doing anything about it, better to not let it linger and move on" or "I must do something about the anxiety."

If my feelings is not intense enough for the second option, the feelings will die soon enough, and will not make me regret that much.

In reality, I tend to think "no, they're more than likely not into me (due to various reasons)", and I'll just let the feelings be until they decay. Did it lead to regrets? Not really. The few times I've actually asked and approached someone I had a crush on, they were flattered, but ultimately told me they're not into me. The more it happened, the more I felt justified in my way of thinking.

There will be more crushes.

I didn’t. Have been wondering about „what if“ ever since. So save yourself some grief and do it.

I did it the first time by just setting a date that I was going to tell her I liked her and sticking to that

Unfortunately turned out she had a boyfriend so that sucked

I think about what'll happen if they reciprocate - I'll be happy! They'll be happy!

I've said it to four or five people. Each time it went well - we dated and had a good time.

I cheat: I only ask people out if we've been friends for a bit. That way I can gauge if we're a decent match.

You need to take a risk on some level, which probably isn’t what you want to hear, but other commenters have said as much. I think that even worse than a solid “no” is just not doing anything and getting up in your head about the what-ifs, and missing an opportunity entirely.

I find an effective means to resolve my anxiety is to consider the worst possible outcome and resolve within myself if that is an outcome I can withstand.

Well, I did not really pursue my little princess with persistence and I was so low-key that she was unaware of my existence.

From a distance I desired her, secretly admired her wired her a letter to get her, and it went:

"My dear, my dear, my dear, you do not know me, but I know you very well, now let me tell you 'bout the feelings I have for you when I try, or make some sort of attempt, I simp - damn, I wish I wasn't such a wimp - cos then I would let you know that I love you so and if I was your man, then I would be true, and the only lying I would do is in the bed with you."

Then I signed "Sincerely, the one who loves you dearly, P.S. Love Me Tender."

Went pretty miserably

Long story short

https://youtu.be/MfmYCM4CS8o?t=1m46s