Sombyr

As I've gained more and more close friends, more than I've ever had in my life, and some closer than I've ever had in my life, I've come to realize something recently. Despite the prevailing feeling like I want a relationship, I don't actually know why it is I want one, nor what I have to gain from one.

Many of my friends nowadays are in fact either people who have rejected me romantically, or are exs that things just didn't work out with but we found we made better friends. And that's been the case with getting rejected too. I just end up enjoying the friendship so much, and getting so much out of it, that I just start to wonder why I ever wanted anything more than that. And what even is more than that?

Maybe everybody else has already realized this by my age, and my sheltered religious upbringing has just held me back a few years again, but I've started seriously considering, with every new crush, if they'd actually be any better for me as a partner instead of just a friend, and I've found that the answer, thus far, has always been no.

I guess the only thing that still has me wondering is, well, what does a romantic relationship offer that friendship doesn't? My friends already love me, and tell me all the time. They already care for me in ways I used to think only a partner would, and I do my best to care for them too. I still desire a romantic relationship for some reason, but I just can't see what there is to gain anymore.

Edit: A few people have interpreted the title as serious, so I wanna clarify that it was meant as a sarcastic joke about how little sense the neurotypical world makes to me, but it is still legitimately me asking for help understanding said neurotypical world.

Was having a conversation with a friend today about why I seem unapproachable to people online. Apparently it's for 2 reasons.

One is that I say "K." all the time, as a short way of saying okay. She pointed out that most people find this rude and offensive. This kinda baffled me, because like why? She explained that like, if somebody were to give a long emotional speech and I just responded "K." that would be offensive. That confounds me. So it's rude in one context, and neurotypicals have decided to be offended by it in all contexts? But the reason it's rude is what confuses me more. Apparently it's considered lazy because you could have just typed out the word, but like, that applies to all text speech and nobody's mad about people shortening those words.

But it got more confusing when she explained the second reason, which is that I end all of my sentences with proper punctuation, which she said "makes people feel like I'm done with the conversation and not interested." But just a second ago improper grammar was rude, and now proper grammar is rude instead.

It baffles me. You can't just use proper or improper grammar. Use too much improper grammar and you're lazy and rude. Use too little and you're also rude. But you can't just use any improper grammar, you have to use the very specific subset of improper grammar that's been deemed acceptable and not lazy (even though it's exactly as lazy as what they do consider lazy.)

To be clear, I'm not bitter, and I'm definitely gonna adjust my behavior to hopefully seem a little less rude to people. I think that's just a nice thing to do. I just find the neurotypical mind utterly fascinating. I don't think they even realize how many contradictions exist in the social rules they all so easily accept.

Every time I see an ancient text translated, it always sounds like it was spoken by a classy Englishman from the 1800s. Is there a reason it's translated that way instead of modern English?

Couldn't find any venting communities on Lemmy, but if one exists please direct me to it. I'm fairly sick right now so I could have just missed one in my dazed state.

I've been dealing with a problem lately. Technically not just lately, but my whole life, but for the past few years it's something I didn't have to worry about.
I've always been a fairly popular person in whatever circles I take part in. People like me. They like my personality. They like my appearance. My friends value me extremely highly. All that's great. But when it comes to relationships, I always flop on my face.
Some people find me really attractive but don't want anything serious. Some people do want something serious, but get scared off the second they see what's hiding under the hood. Others just prefer me as a friend and would rather not complicate that with a relationship. But practically zero people both want anything serious and find themselves able to handle me and my mental issues.
There's only been one person ever who I ever had any semblance of a successful relationship with, and that was my first ex. We dated for two years, fell deeply in love, but still in the end broke up because of mental issues making being together too painful to deal with.

I'm just so afraid I'll never find anyone. I found the first person in the world who could handle my emotional outbursts completely unfazed recently, and she just wanted to be friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to have a friend as amazing as her. I'm just living in fear that I'll never be able to find somebody who can handle and understand me like she can, who does want to be anything more. I just want people to stop leaving because of my over-tuned emotions getting in the way.

And yeah, yeah, I know, "you don't need a relationship to be happy" and whatever. That's not the point. The point is I practically don't even have the option of a relationship in the first place because nobody can handle my deeper issues. I'm on numerous meds. I've tried therapy, and am still trying. I've done all I can on the road to self improvement and the only thing left I can do is find somebody who can handle what issues remain, and it doesn't look like that'll happen. It feels like I got a million romantic options and zero of them are good ones.

I know there's only one real solution, and that's to keep trying, and keep looking. I just needed to vent about it because the process of doing so is making me feel like shit and giving up would make me feel even worse, as if accepting that I'm unlovable.

Edit for anybody who finds this post later: It was an Ubuntu specific issue. Swapping it for Fedora has allowed sleep to work perfectly. I suspect the Ubuntu kernels have an issue with certain motherboards.

So this is a problem I've had for a while, but I've finally decided I'm sick of it enough to see if anybody has any ideas.

Basically, I replaced my PCs motherboard and PSU to make them fit into a mini itx case so I'd have more space.

Ever since then, I've had an issue where putting my PC to sleep causes it to appear to sleep properly for a split second, all the lights and fans turning off. But then immediately after that, the lights and fans come back on as if it were trying to wake from sleep, except it just gets stuck like that, with no video output to the monitor, no audio output to the speakers, and unresponsive to any button presses. Even pressing and holding the power button does nothing.

I can restore it from this state by shutting off my power supply then immediately turning it back on. This results in the computer acting like I woke it up from sleep completely normally. Even the logs show no errors, saying that it went to sleep properly and that it woke up properly when I flicked the switch.

Weirdly, I had no issues having it sleep on Windows initially, displaying the expected behavior of all the fans and lights turning off and staying off, and coming back to life with video and audio when I tap the power button. This behavior started the first time I tried to put it to sleep in Ubuntu, where it did what I explained above. Since then, not even Windows will sleep properly anymore.

This behavior seems to exclusively happen when using suspend to ram. Hibernation works fine on Windows and Linux, as well as standby. As a result, I've been using those as a workaround.

My setup is the following:
Motherboard: Gigabyte a520i AC
PSU: Cooler Master v850 SFX
GPU: Radeon RX5700 XT (can't remember the exact brand)
CPU: Ryzen 5 3500
RAM: 16 gigabytes. Corsair Vengeance sounds like the right one, but I don't entirely remember.

Not sure if it's important, but I'm also running an Samsung 970 Evo Plus NVME, a Samsung 860 Evo 2.5 inch SSD, some kind of western digital HDD, a Viotek monitor, and a wireless Logitech mouse and keyboard (which aren't Bluetooth, they use receivers.) I've tested without the mouse and keyboard just in case though and the same behavior was exhibited.

Any help is appreciated. Even if nobody knows what's going on, being a few steps closer to finally solving this would be nice. I'm posting this right before bed though, so I may not see any replies until tomorrow unless I end up too hyper focused on this to sleep.

EDIT: Issue was fixed on Windows by running "powercfg/a" to check sleep states, which shouldn't have worked, so I think the windows issue was just a fluke since it didn't start until Ubuntu started doing it.
Ubuntu's still broken though. Nothing I do fixes it and I suspect there's an incompatibility between it and my motherboard. Probably need to wait for a new kernel update that happens to fix it.

As a kid, I bruised all the time, very easily. Nowadays, I don't bruise at all, with some exceptions.
I broke my toe about a week ago, as in literally snapped the bone in half and ended up with one piece almost a centimeter out of alignment. And yet, no bruise. Not even the slightest sign of one.
Now, the exception is if I've been drinking. I broke that same toe 2 years ago while I was drunk and it basically turned black.

I don't know why I would bruise normally when drinking, but never bruise at all when sober. Is it possible I am bruising and it's just not visible for whatever reason?