this post was submitted on 30 Oct 2023
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No, we hate stopping because it takes you all twenty minutes to pee and then another twenty to get food and snacks. And now your mother's decided she wants a sit down meal and there's a cute shop she wants to visit before we get on the road.
And now it's five in the morning and we've been on the road for sixteen hours and we're still 150 miles from home and you want me to check into a hotel to get some rest when we could have been back in our own beds by 10pm if we didn't have to stop because your bladders are all the size of thimbles.
And I'm paying for all of this.
I saw a comedian who said "The only vacation a father gets is after everyone's in the car and he closes the trunk. That short walk to the driver's seat is so fucking relaxing."
When I'm driving, there are 4 reasons to stop:
Unless one of these applies, we're driving. And if a stop is required, there are zero acceptable reasons to extend that stop that are not on this list.
Edit: "we're there" is also a good reason to stop
On a recent road trip I discovered a new reason to stop. I saw a sign that said "drive a tank $99"
Did you finish your trip with the tank?
That doesn't sound very enjoyable and seems a bit evil. The tank will hardly go a couple of meters before the bottom of the glass cracks and all the fish will fall out on the hot asphalt before suffocating to death.
What about hunger...
drive thru and eat while driving
Ordering ahead and picking up inside is much faster than a drive thru
Imma need a two-fer there, or it's the side of I-whatever the fuck we're on for 5 to 35 minutes.
The only vacation a father gets is after everyone's in the car and he closes the trunk. That short walk to the driver's seat is so fucking relaxing.
As a father of two, truer words have never been spoken!
you lucky bastard!
I swear girls have insanely small bladders. I've never stopped on a road trip with guys, but with girls, you ALWAYS have to stop.
Hell, if you've got enough empty bottles dudes never have to stop. Piss jugs are the way of the road.
Fukin toe da so
You'd still stop for some friends of the road though, eh?
Are you just perpetually dehydrated?
No. Your body doesn't need a gallon of water every other second. Excess fluids are pointless because your body just pees it out, because it can't process it.
Not to mention too much water can kill you.
People think if you're not peeing 2 times per hour, you're unhealthy. I get CBC + other labs blood work done weekly and I'm perfectly hydrated.
Not to mention if you're going on a long road trip, it's okay to consume less fluids. You won't die.
I drink an absolute ton of water all the time, but I almost never have to go more than every 4-6 hours, if not longer. It's not like I'm holding it either, there's just no pressure to go for at least that long. I normally have 40oz water bottles that I refill at least a few times per day.
Popping a squat is a lost art... My grandmother says.
Also this is what other people call your vacation...the one time you shouldn't have to organize anything and just relax instead.