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Have you ever had an illness that most people don't understand? (lemmy.world)

submitted 10 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

As somebody with schizoaffective, I don't understand where you're coming from saying it means I'm the only one with power over myself. In fact, I've found even after being well medicated I'm incredibly easy to manipulate. All you have to do is tell me somebody's trying to control me and instantly I've spun a 2000 foot deep web about how they're doing it. Then you just tell me you have the solution and suddenly I'm eating out of your hand.

And my emotional barrier is paper thin. I only look unaffected by things. In reality if I'm the slightest bit scared or upset, I'm breaking down inside and spinning another web to fill in the cracks. My whole existence is built on delusions and lies I've built up to keep myself together, such that even now that I'm in a place where I theoretically could start breaking them down and rebuilding properly, I won't, because I'd fall apart, and I can't handle that.

I've decided to just be happy being fucked up. Not because that's right, but because that's the only thing I can survive.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I'm incredibly easy to manipulate

Then let me manipulate you into being happy 👍

Dark Voodoo Intensifies

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

I like your positivity.

Luckily, I am happy most of the time nowadays, just, y'know, in spite of my disorder.