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this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2024
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Asklemmy
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Turok Evolution on GameCube.
It doesnβt look that bad on reviews, but itβs pretty awful.
Hydlide, probably. A deeply mediocre action RPG that came out on NES waaay after everyone else had one-upped it, or ten-upped it.
And I played it circa 1997.
No, hang on - I at least progressed in Hydlide. To this day I have no goddamn idea how to get out of the first room in Batman Forever. I had the Game Boy version. I did not buy this game. Some kid just gave it to me, which should have been a warning. As I understand it, all versions of the game are quite similar, which would be admirable if they were not, to a one, total dogshit. I think it's the Mortal Kombat engine used as a platformer... made by aliens.
Ni No Kuni 2. Looking for a new RPG, missing that anime aesthetic so I searched up "best JRPGs" (yes, yes I know now that it's supposed to be perjorative); kept seeing this recommended, including by randos on Reddit (so not just paid review sites).
After 45 minutes of the most cliche-filled cutscenes and a prolonged tutorial for basic gameplay, I finally can just try it out and... It's the most boring, generic gameplay ever. Dull story, bland characters, bland gameplay, too long of intro. 2/10
The only other game that comes close is Assassin's Creed 3. Finished the tutorial mission, made it to Boston, started chasing collectibles and trying to 100% the first map. Sunk in about 5 hours and can't find the rest of the collectibles, so I decide to move on and come back later.
That's when it hits you with "PSYCH! That was just the Prologue, and all that time and effort invested in this character is MEANINGLESS. Here's a brand new character to build up."
I hate that. I don't mind when the game begins with an OP character to show you the ropes only to take all of it away, but please make it short. I loved Metroid Prime, for example. Investing 5 hours to have all of it mean nothing to your character, and next to nothing for the story fucking sucks. 4/10, would probably still finish just because I loved 1+2.
'Home improvement' on the Super Nintendo
Lula 3D. Though, I never played with it eventually as it froze up the computer so bad we had to pull the plug, the experience as a kid was probably my worst gaming moment.
Myst.
I came for the graphics and because I liked adventuers. Was disappointed by the static graphics and I didn't understand what to do at all.
Myst is certainly a bit of an odd one. There are more modern versions with full 3d graphics, and some of the puzzles are all time classics, but Riven was always the better game. There's a remake of that one which just came out, though it also doesn't hold your hand as far as figuring out what to do.
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Tales of Arise. The most bland plain characters ever, uninteresting exploration, plot was SO predictable, and the combat felt stiff. Kinda wrote off the entire series mostly, except I do like Berseria even though it's combat also sucks.