this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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Rain start. Put out tribe fire. Tribe cold. Grunk go to other tribe. Grunk steal fire. Other tribe cold. We warm. AITA?

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

You asshole. Fire easy to share, no need steal.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Last time me share fire, whole forest burned down.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 month ago

Then everyone warm. Still asshole.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago

Who job watch fire? If you, then you AH. If not you, then you keep tribe warm! Other tribe probably bad, if they good why they not in Grunk tribe? Hurt bad people is good, so NAH

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Grunk no share fire? Bring back fire. Bring back warm! Make both cave warm. Both cave smile. Grunk asshole but Grunk can has redemption arc.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Grunk try share fire. They call me fire stealer and throw spear. Now Grunk angry. Grunk want throw rock.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

YTA other tribe need warm too. Warm is not property. We share warm

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

What property?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

yeah the stormgod says that he's going to tie you to a rock at the edge of the world and grant you immortality so the harpies come and eat your liver every day for the rest of eternity

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

What about push rock up mountain?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

Me think push-rock-up-mountain-man is happy.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

yeah that's a reward. you = thief

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

You no find fire. You take lady! You warm because of lady! You am asshole!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hit Grunk with rock. Steal fire back. Cook and eat Grunk. Keep fire.

[–] janus2 7 points 1 month ago

Grandmawnk say eat people meat bad. Make you get shaky like when cold, even when no cold. Then die!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] scoobford 5 points 1 month ago

Post only 🔥, that problem.

If Grunk not Lion mater, he make 🔥🔥instead.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Dathon and Picard at El-Adrel IV. Temba, his arms wide. Dathon when he shared the fire.

Translated: Yes

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Don't tell this story to Zeus