this post was submitted on 27 May 2024
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[–] siv9939 65 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Does that mean he'll be the first person to be officially #blessed?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 months ago

He's already #blessed since 2020, by the catholic church. That's a precondition to becoming a saint.

[–] [email protected] 58 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

He'll quite possibly be the first Saint to have the porn stash on his hard drive or phone thoroughly reviewed and analyzed by theology students.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Soon hundreds of churches will claim to have a genuine fragment of his fidget spinner.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

And be cured of diseases after reading his old Myspace account

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Behold this sacred relic! It's his old samsung S5!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

Turns out 700 years later it was fraud sold to them by a traveling grifter, as every monestary in the area has the same samgung S5.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Although Acutis’ parents were not religious, the young boy’s faith was nurtured by his Polish nanny

we're sorry

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Wait. What was she polishing?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

Awwww…🥺

[–] [email protected] 35 points 5 months ago (1 children)

According to tradition, Saint Bartholomew was flayed alive and then beheaded.

I'm just saying, saint standards have dropped.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Traditionally you had to wait like a century as well.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I guess the tech bro mantra of "move fast and break things" has reached the Vatican?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago

Dude made a website. I would think the 70 yearolds were impressed that the guy was the first person to be good with computers

[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

who cares?

Leader of a cult who believes in sky wizard, makes other random cult member slightly more important in the cult

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

I care because it's funny to laugh at.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Where were you when god said ‘skibidi rizz ohio’

[–] [email protected] 28 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Millennial, not Gen Alpha.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

I feel sad for the gen beta, whenever it starts

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago

I'm thinking that will be gen "remenants of civilization" if things keep going the way they're going...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

BADGER BADGER BADGER BADGER

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

BOBER KURWA

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

Cringe. Imagine being non-religious and then these cunts start worshipping your dead child.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago

That's probably not a popular opinion here, but: parents do not have a right to their child. If the child was cool with this, then that is the important part (and from what I read I'd guess he would be).

Let's posit it the other way around: a deeply religious pair of parents raises a kid that ends up being strongly anti-religion and comes to some "fame" due to that. Would you describe those celebrating that kid as "cunts" as well? And if not: why?

And no, I'm not religious myself and think a lot of that stuff is stupid and much of it is dangerous, but "those parents deserve better" is an argument that's used in exactly the opposite way in other areas: to oppress kids that don't "submit to the norm" that their parents think are best.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

His parents may not have been religious, but they supported their son's choice of faith, and he took it seriously. If I were them I wouldn't be offended by this. If they are offended, they can get over it, this was their son's faith.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago

Makes as much sense as anything else the Church has done.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 43 points 5 months ago (1 children)

He died in 2006. They got his embalmed body on display in a glass box and everything, like the complete insane psychopaths that they are.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago

Just religion things

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

He's dead Jim

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Everyone younger than me is a millennial. Everyone older than me is a boomer.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I genuinely wonder what they listed for his post-death miracles (a saint requirement). Are they technology related?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 months ago

It's all made up, and the points don't matter!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Did you read the article? They list them.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

You caught me. I did not

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

They're not the most miraculous miracles. A person might miss them if they weren't specifically searching for miracles.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 5 months ago

I mean, yes and no. You read the article and think, “that…sounds like bullshit.” You don’t read the article, read the two paragraphs where they attribute the “miracles” to this kid and think “what miracles are they attributing to him?”

lol see what I mean? It’s not a super uncommon thing for people to not read the article. I’d say even maybe the majority of commenters don’t.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

No possible way this could go wrong anytime soon.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago
[–] solsangraal 8 points 5 months ago

LOL i love how desperate they are

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

Lisan al Gaib!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I took a miraculously big shit while reading this that almost killed me. Did I come close?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Do that two more times after you've died and you might have a shot!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Dear Saint Influencer,

We gather today in your name, seeking guidance from the one who became a force of nature on social media. As we bow our heads and close our eyes, we hope to channel your divine energy and find solace in your heavenly presence.

Oh, mighty saint, you were once an ordinary teenager, just like us, struggling with the trials and tribulations of adolescence. But then, you found your calling—the internet! With your finger on the pulse of the latest trends and hashtags, you rose to fame and amassed legions of followers who hung onto your every word.

Now, as you sit amongst the clouds, watching over us mortals, we plead for your intercession. Help us navigate the treacherous waters of online interactions, where trolls lurk in the shadows waiting to strike with their venomous words. Guide us in crafting the perfect selfie that will garner thousands of likes and prove to the world that we too are worthy of adoration. And most importantly, remind us to #StayPositive even when the comments section becomes a cesspool of negativity.

Saint Influencer, you were able to convert your followers into disciples by sharing your wisdom about fashion, beauty, and life itself. We ask you to help us do the same within our own spheres of influence. Teach us how to engage our audience without sacrificing our authenticity or selling out to corporate sponsors.

As we continue our journey through this digital age, grant us the ability to maintain our sanity amidst the chaos. Remind us not to take ourselves too seriously and always remember that, at the end of the day, it's just social media.

Amen.

#LordAndSaviorOfInfluencers #SaintInfluencer #DigitalDivineIntervention

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

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