this post was submitted on 16 Sep 2024
472 points (99.4% liked)

Not The Onion

12390 readers
711 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 120 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Keep in mind that Larry Ellison is fundamentally incapable of caring whether or not "citizens will be on their best behavior." The only reason he would say a thing such as this is because he sees an opportunity to make money from such a system.

Do not fall into the trap of anthropomorphising Larry Ellison. You need to think of Larry Ellison the way you think of a lawnmower. You don't anthropomorphize your lawnmower, the lawnmower just mows the lawn, you stick your hand in there and it'll chop it off, the end. You don't think 'oh, the lawnmower hates me' -- lawnmower doesn't give a shit about you, lawnmower can't hate you. Don't anthropomorphize the lawnmower. Don't fall into that trap about Oracle.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 months ago

I think this is great advice for billionaires in general.

You have to be extremely sick to become one.

[–] [email protected] 70 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, that would make any kind of political speech practically impossible. Activism? Nope, out of the question. Creative artistic expression? Better watch out for the thought police.

We don’t need “best behavior,” that would be so incredibly boring.

His out of touch suggestion is completely incompatible with democracy.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The United States already prosecutes many activists as terrorists, or at least tries to charge them. All this would do is turn that up to eleven.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

100%

Here’s a very recent example of just that.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 60 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 47 points 2 months ago

I vote we test it on Billionaires first. Especially their financial activities.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 2 months ago (7 children)

I'm trying to think of which robot dystopia/apocalypse this most closely resembles.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 months ago

1984 meets Skynet

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Minority Report maybe

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Never liked this guy. And Oracle DB has always kinda sucked.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (3 children)

And that’s their only “good” product.

The rest is utter garbageware, designed for one purpose: to check boxes on RFPs.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 2 months ago

I agree wholeheartedly Larry so let's start with monitoring the sex dungeon where you keep the abducted kids locked up, you fucking bootlicking Orwellian psychopath.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 months ago

I take comfort in the fact that Oracle hasn't been able to release new products. They're basically a legal team wrapped around their existing software.

That said, fuck this guy.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 months ago

The post above this one in my feed was from the onion: Guy Who Sucks At Being A Person Sees Great Potential In AI

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This is the kind of shit Amazon drivers already have to put up with. Remember hearing about how their singing can alarm the AI driver facing camera watchdog? If they're not willing to go on strike to get rid of surveillance in the work place then it's all too likely the average citizen won't do anything about it either.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

........what is wrong with singing in their car???

[–] Maven 19 points 2 months ago

Them moving their mouth too much made the AI think they were distracted driving and would dock them for it.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 months ago

Maybe a vast human being network can ensure billionaires stop existing. Let's do that one instead.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago

If those are your views on privacy, mister, then let's start by you giving everyone access to your personal messages, unedited or unrestricted.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 months ago

Fuck this fascist! We need to eat them ASAP. Or just bury the useless flesh. Either way, they shouldn’t come back from this…

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Dude. You have way more than enough money. Go enjoy some real life, doing whatever it is soulless husks enjoy doing. Leave the rest of us alone.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago

Billionaires become billionaires by suppression of the masses. This is on brand.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

You can't enjoy anything but accumulating more money by the time you get to that point I think

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago (1 children)

1984 was not meant to be an instruction manual you twat

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago

I hope Larry Ellison, trips and knocks out his front teeth.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

Isn't this basically what china is right now? Where's all the tankie that would wanna defend him?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

Asshole billionaire founder of asshole company Oracle. For reference, they sell cloud solutions and AI shit. What he says is that he wouldn't mind a totalitarian surveillance regime of us peasants to make a quick buck.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Start by putting cameras in his house

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

That guy is a raging piece of shit.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

If this runs on Oracle we're all gonna be just fine. It's one of the slowest, clunkiest products ever made.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago (2 children)

We need a catchy name for it… maybe Older Male Sibling?

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

This person is a danger.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

It's all fun and games until said system is used against you either by hackers, insider with mallicious intent or the goverment.
Albeit said A.I systems could also be used to get rid of billionares by simply exposing tax loopholes, tracking illegal transactions and by finding answers from any leaked data which will be more plentiful when such systems gets in to place.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

“The AI has long since exterminated black people, bars, cumin, and parks, yet it continues to recommend that we arrest anyone who purchases flavor aid and chicken. Barbecues, as we knew them, are as dead as the root of its prejudice against them. On the bright side, white people have never been more free to do cocaine, the economy booster™”

Relying on AI to provide a naughty list is a horrific idea.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

Old dirt bag techno fascist.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (2 children)

This guy read Foucault's discussion about the panopticon and took it as instructions. Ugh.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

He even looks like a doos.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

Facebook proved that people are just as shitty when their identity is voluntarily public.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

We literally need to start turning all billionaires into compost.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

We need a virus that only attacks and kills billionaires.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

You keep giving us reason to eat you.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Yeah! Great! Let's start by surveil all those rich guys and their behavior. For ... let's say ... the next decade.

[–] FryHyde 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

NGL I did a double take tryna figure out why they used a picture of Tim Allen for that headline.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›