fakenews

"The Summer Of Love" is the newest title by renowned sociologist Arthur Beaver. In it Beaver argues that sex was a by-product of MK Ultra experiments on Ted Kaczynski.

THE HAGUE - Princess Peach has been released from the ICC Detention Center after the Mushroom Kingdom had the case against the embattled ruler dismissed.

Some say the recent war amounted to genocide, as a band of "heroes" sent by the Mushroom Kingdom caused the deaths of millions of innocent Koopas.

Critics of Princess Peach say she has given unchecked powers and abilities to these individuals. They warn that this has given them free reign to illegally invade the perceived enemies of the Mushroom Kingdom.

A hearing following this decision will occur at the UN Headquarters in New Donk City in December.

Image credit: Lavells-Enterprise

"People think I'm working very hard to earn my money but it couldn't be further from the truth. The truth is, I'm pulling on my little pudder all day long, just whacking it to the nastiest scat porn mankind has ever produced." He wrote.

"I don't care if I die, come and get me, like I gave a flying f**k" he wrote on X (formally twitter) before leading California State Troopers on a 2 hour car chase which ended with him barricading himself in an adult bookstore.

"She uh she called me a lot of names. Farty pants. Poopy pants. Stinky britches. No one, and I repeat, no one should live with that abuse. Let me be clear, this union must end." He told axios on Thursday.

Ohio Governor Mike DeWine called for order on Thursday as he mobilized the Ohio National Guard to respond to threat of small grey men spotted walking near the tree line of Best Friends Elementary School in the heart of Springfield.

The Spacex CEO wrote on X (formally known as twitter) on Tuesday that he was "pleased" to be working with Ye on what he described as "schooling children in the name of god, jesus, and Trump, making them into soldiers of Yahweh to secure a future for white people."

Speaking to the crowd in Michigan the president remarked "and we got that guy in uh, in Florida, he uh tried to kill the vice president, Trump, one hell of a guy, they uh they broke the mold when they made him".

WH staffers are reeling after the remarks they told hexbear news.

Connecticut (AP) — "I just wanted to test something" were the only words that Hollywood luminary Bill Murray had for reporters on the morning of his arrest in connection to the tragic pickleball incident that nearly cost fellow actor Kevin Bacon his life.

According to his estranged family, the 73-year-old Groundhog Day star had been acting erratically in the months leading up to the attack. "Every time I came to visit he just had this weird Dominion movie playing in the background non-stop," said a relative who wished to remain anonymous.

Murray had recently been spotted attending PETA events, but members say no one in the organization has ever had even a conversation with the reclusive actor. One unimpressed activist stated "I tried making small talk with the guy, but he kept cutting me off going 'huh? huh? huh?' and yawning really loudly."

Mr. Bacon remains in critical condition, and while his injuries are yet to be disclosed, a source within the hospital staff reported that they were shocked that someone could inflict so much damage with a pickleball paddle.

The group calls itself "Puppo Protectors" and the logo is two rifles over a Punisher skull with Trump's hair. The town is 72% white according to the last census.

ACCESS HOLLYWOOD - During an interview with the renowned Darth Vader actor regarding his role as a consultant of Disney's upcoming Mufasa, the film crew on set became abuzz as Mr. Jones' pockets began ringing profusely. "What on Earth are you talking about?" uttered in the smooth rumbling voice of the flabbergasted Academy Award-winning actor. After consoling his loved ones over the phone, James returned to the interview and simply exclaimed "Nobody checks for fake news these days!"

"I love what she represents" said the nexus, "her campaign is one of joy while former president Trump's is full of revenge - we need more joy in our lives" it went on while gobbling up a bus full of toddlers.

"It showing amazing discipline" says scientist Kimberly White, "for a young guy to watch nasty shit for 12 hours and not even touch his little ding dong once."

Researchers at Mission Hill University have placed Mr. Bongos under a 72 hour hold for observation.

He said to Axios Reporters over a Big Mac at a local McDonald's chain in Texas he made them pay for since he quote "forgot his wallet".

St. Baptist The Savior private Christian academy in Bowling Green is putting out a request for armed security. The pay is if you save children's lives you will go to heaven. The PPE is the anointed blood of Jesus which is your spiritual armor against satan and his school shooter minions.

She told reporters she was living in a commune in Tibet, contemplating what it means to be human and planning a revival of emo screamo.

The former rep said Sunday that he's "ready for anything" leaving the Texas courthouse, "they trumped up the charges because I got swag" he said to hexbear sister station ktlva-tv.

NYT has reached out to both Musk and X to validate his wild claim and only responded back with an ominous email saying "Watch The Skies".

The republican chef is under fire this week for promoting the new "White Makes Right" white pizza at Pizza Hut, a cross promoted collaboration between Trump NFTs and Trump Shoes (nyse: TRMPSHE).

"Personally I think it's great, I'm tired of white people being treated badly. #WHITEPRIDE" tweeted out professional Gamer xXx[PHAZE]DARKSIDExXx who himself has come under fire recently for grooming an underage fan of his gaming variety channel.

The former president was whisked off stage at a campaign event on Tuesday after aids spotted him "soiling" his pants. The presidential hopeful spoke for 11 minutes before flies started to circle him and some crowd-goers became sick from the smell.

The z-list celeb promoted his new gaming channel on The Joe Rogan Experience Monday, which he promises will "be free of that 'woke' crap, no women, no black people, are allowed to watch, it's for fellas - white fellas only".

At the time of writing this article, hexbear has not heard back from his agent.

The 78 year old former president said he's been watching hundreds of hours of porn at his Bedminster estate to prepare for his first directing role.

"We've got a lot of men, y'know they called the title 12, but it's more like 50 or 60 just hunks, pure hunks folks - right from central casting and they're gonna run a train on this beautiful woman. We love her folks, don't we? So beautiful. Lots of porking going on, you don't want to miss it!" he remarked to the crowd in Butler PA, the site where a gunman tried to take his life in July.