Joey Chestnut, a 16-time winner of the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, has been banned from the event this year, Major League Eating (MLE) has announced. The ban apparently stems from Chestnut's new partnership with a rival vegan food brand.

Chestnut has become a Fourth of July staple, winning 16 of the last 17 Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contests, including each of the last eight. Chestnut also holds the all-time record with 76 hot dogs and buns eaten, which he set in 2021.

MLE has weighed in on the decision to ban Chestnut from the even, confirming in a statement that Chestnut's partnership with a plant-based food company is the reason for the split. MLE did say that Chestnut would be allowed to compete if he renounces his partnership with the plant-based brand.

"We are devastated to learn that Joey Chestnut has chosen to represent a rival brand that sells plant-based hot dogs rather than competing in the 2024 Nathan's Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest.

"MLE and Nathan's went to great lengths in recent months to accommodate Joey and his management team, agreeing to their appearance fee requests and allowing Joey to compete in a rival unbranded hot dog eating contest on Labor Day. For nearly two decades we have worked under the same basic hot dog exclusivity provisions. However, it seems that Joey and his managers have prioritized a new partnership with a different hot dog brand over our long-time relationship.

"Joey Chestnut is an American hero. We would love nothing more than to have him at the Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest, which he has dominated for years. There is still the opportunity for him to choose Nathan's and July 4th over the plant-bases hot dog, and return to the adoring fans if Coney Island. We hope that he returns when he is not representing a rival brand."

Not having Chestnut in attendance would be a seismic shift for the Independence Day competition. Last year, no one came close to Chestnut's 62 hot dogs and buns eaten. Geoffrey Esper, the No. 2 ranked eater in MLE, finished second with 49.

I made a post recently on chapo.gov/c/chapotraphousepodcast.com. I pressed the "post" button and eagerly retreated to my study awaiting precious engagement. My study is an interesting place. It is entirely unfurnished except for a bed directly in the middle up against no walls. I sat in the dark meditating, reflecting how less sexy Miranda Keyes from the Halo games would be if they released today under woke Microsoft, or "wokeosoft". Her skin is soft and pale, why cant I look like her? Why can't I have long flowing hair? I can grow my hair like that but the radical left Democrat Party won't allow it, they call it "cultural appropriation".

I checked my phone and saw that my post, simply asking a Hexbear.chat user to become my wife had been removed. It was called "inappropriate" and "unusual" that I had written out a 12 paragraph description of our life together on the farm if this user would marry me. I would still like her even if she wasn't trans. Each day I would awake at the crack of dawn, 1:30 PM, and fart myself out of bed while cracking every individual joint in my body, my beloved wife would be there to greet me with an orange soda and a donut. At 2:30 PM I would arise from bed and begin the work day on the farm, I would begin by greeting Juan, our farm hand strong enough to carry a bale of hay by hand. "Hot enough for you, john?" He always cracked up at my jokes. "Mr. Carlson, can I please put a shirt on? I am getting sunburned again". I drink another orange soda.

After a hard day of work I would be finished with my tasks and return home for dinner. I would greet her/you with a kiss and a silent, 25 minute long stare directly into your eyes. When do I blink? Only when you do. I drink another orange soda and kiss you deeply, burping directly into your mouth. I drink another orange soda. You would make me a dinner meal made of meat. Only meat. No vegetables. I'm not gay like that. I return to our bedroom, playing my Xbox while you take care of the house and mend our clothes. I drink another orange soda and gently fall asleep with you in my arms early at 8 AM, gently drifting off to thoughts of our love and the next day on the farm.

So please, moderators of Hexbear, restore my post and unban c/dating to let love bloom like 100 flowers

In love (whether you like it or not) Tucker "The Tiger" Carlson

Our future wife and child are counting on us

Edge your life not your dick

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/02/06/nyregion/adams-albany-migrant-crisis.html

With the migrant crisis continuing to roil New York City, Mayor Eric Adams appeared to score a win last month when the governor vowed to commit $2.4 billion — more than double last year’s proposal — to cover the costs of caring for the tens of thousands of people who have arrived in New York to seek refuge.

But on Tuesday, Mr. Adams said even that would not be enough.

Testifying at the State Capitol in Albany, the mayor told lawmakers that the state would need to pony up at least half the cost of caring for migrants to keep the city from making drastic budget cuts, a figure his team put at $4.6 billion.

“We’re the economic engine of the state,” Mr. Adams said. “And we’ve always been here for the state. We need the state now to be here for us in the city.”

New York officials had hoped to divide the cost of sheltering migrants equally among the city, state and federal governments. But federal officials refused to commit to that arrangement, leaving the city to press the state for more funds.

Following the press conference the embattled mayor released a video statement on X, formerly known as Twitter, saying "what we are dealing with in many ways is worse than what we dealt with on 9/11. On that fateful day, the attacks were over quickly. 9/11 was a one day event. Within two hours everything was wrapped up. But this migrant crisis is different. The migrant and crime issue is daily. Hourly. It is tearing the greatest city in the world apart"

In addition to more money for migrants, the mayor used his trip to Albany — an annual tradition known as Tin Cup Day when local leaders make their budget pitches to the state — to meet with legislative leaders and Gov. Kathy Hochul. He also pressed lawmakers for mayoral control of schools, the authority to address illegal cannabis vendors and an expansion of the city’s borrowing power.

While mayors often face tough crowds in Albany, Mr. Adams found a broadly sympathetic audience this year, fielding compliments from both sides of the aisle for different aspects of his handling of the migrant crisis, despite the partisan disagreements about the broader fixes for the problem.

The warm reception was no doubt welcome to Mr. Adams, whose popularity has waned amid local and federal investigations of people in the mayor’s orbit and into his fund-raising practices. Earlier today, an unrelated federal inquiry resulted in the indictment of 70 people associated with the New York City Housing Authority, an investigation that Justice Department officials have called one of the largest public corruption cases in history.

Graph understanding of what each level of gooning does to brain density, howlong one must goon to reach that level, and it's equivalent impact on reality around you

https://hexbear.net/c/fakenews

Let 100 flowers bloom.

Patriots are in control. Give the comm a chance

Q&A

Q Is this fake news?

A. No. It's been open for a few days now. See for yourself

Q But I hate Melina

A. Then block them lol

Q Fake News is reactionary

A. No it's not lol

Q What if I'm dumb and think satire is bad or needs purpose or something like that

A. Stfu nerd

Physically I am a primordial, but I spiritually jerk off everyday

A note from the Fake News Time writing staff:

PATRIOTS ARE IN CONTROL

10 DAYS OF DARKNESS INCOMING

MELINA FIRST RESPONDER AT FLIGHT 93 CRASH SITE

GREAT AWAKENING ARRIVES

Shine on you crazy diamond

:jbp: There's an increasing trend these days for vulnerable, unhappy men to turn, what the internet calls, "prison gay". If you look at increasing rates of LGBT identification, especially by young people, by the year 2050 25% of all men could be in a same-sex relationships.

Well get back to why that is later, but if this trends holds as I predict it will this has very interesting implications for the remaining 75% of men who decide to engage in heterosexual relations.

The sexual marketplace will be dramatically impacted. Whereas now the sexual marketplace is tilted in favor of women, the marketplace of the future may be tilted towards men due to a supply gap. It's basic economics, if theres a significant gap of demand and supply, the remaining supply becomes more valuable over competition. We may see a "bull run" for men if you will.

Right, that's, that's very true today about how women hold all the power in sexual encounters, and how this transgender and homosexual ideology and propaganda poisons men's brain into thinking they're women.

Today women go for the top 20% of men, based on attractives and succses and other valuable assests in the marketplace. And this is according data released by various dating apps such as tindr.

If you can even call them dating apps. It's much more like a removed app than a dating app

Completely, just apps that unleash formless chaos on men and traditional dating.

:jbp: And polls show well above half of all new sexual and what little serious relationship is out there today, is facilited through these so called "dating apps". This is why I like Beauty and the Beast so much, it's a film about the female hero myth and reveals so much about women. In the movie the woman protagonist, Beauty, is very attractive so she's high up on the hierarchy, but she doesn't go for Bastagon, which most women would, and it's a fantasy about high status women not caring about their status, like they are better than the hierarchy, but she still goes for a handsome prince anyway. The chaos and the vapidness of feminism in one film.

It's just like the vapidness of these apps. Women claim to want equity and equality, two words which are totally interchangeable to them, they say they want men who are "nice" and won't punch walls, but who do they go for? The top status males regardless of who they are. They draw these lines that don't mean much to make separations of high status men, but the biggest line is the one between high status and low status men. It's the only line feminism teaches young girls not to cross.

Men are not going to put up with this bullcrap anymore

That's why they are choosing to go gay, the low status men cannot compete with high status and that's why they engage carnally with one another. They have no one else. That's why we see a huge spike in bisexuality identification especially for men under 35. "Prison gay" because they have no other options. So those 25% of men who turn gay are going to be those the least valued by women. The "incels". Like natural selection they will be removed from the gene pool.

Liberalism and the Marxists have put a barrier between men and women and its having disastrous results for our young men. But what that does to the remaining 75% of men predicted to remain staunch heterosexuals has a lot of fascinating implications. A form of liberal social darwinism.

The remaing 75% will be mostly made up of high value, masculine and average men who were doing better than low value men

So now the former middle value men are the bottom of the food chain and the the high value men are even higher. The new lower value men will have to adapt and become even higher value than their previous status to compete

Given their previous position on the totem poel the former middle have the best chance to enter top value. They will try to improve themselves to such a degree to be seen as valuable by women.

Origin

(MIAMI, Florida) Long time editor in chief of Fake News Times, Melina, has been found dead in their Miami condo. They were 59. The award-winning journalist, famous for breaking the Jeffery Epstein case in 2007, was discovered by CIA in the late afternoon. Their death was being treated on Saturday night as "unexplained" but sources said the long time writer had died of an apparent crack overdose.

The Miami Police said: "We were called by Emergency Dispatch to an address in Downtown Miami shortly before 1700 hours following reports of a person found deceased covered in shit. On arrival officers found the body of a 59 year-old journalist who was pronounced dead at the scene."

"It was either the crack or the IBS. Hard to tell" said one anonymous source

Melina first joined Fake News Time in the 1970s as a special crack correspondent and was noted for there ability to get deeper into the story than anyone else was willing to go. "They could take down a mountain of crack like it was nothing" said senior editor Tucker Carlson. "You could have a mountain of crack out, enough to kill 10 men, and they would smoke it like it was nothing."

Senior editor Regular A. Bitch said in a press release "I'm gay and my little pud is pretty small. That's funny Melina died. 7/10 bit to die of a crack overdose in 2023. Seriously, who even smokes crack anymore? Jfc just hop on fent"

Junior Labor Union correspondent H.O. Main said in a quick statement while entering a Burger King bathroom "She sucks and I'm glad they [CIA] did her in". Junior Italian Correspondent Arty Set stated "I'm vegan" upon hearing the news