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where do I get one of these bad boys
https://shop.fairphone.com/fairphone-5
What if you're in the US?
Fairphone 4 seems to be offered in the US through a company called Murena. Looks like a solid option. https://murena.com/murena-fairphone-4-is-now-available-in-the-usa/
I mean, what about FP5, or GApps?
As far as I can tell the 5 isn't offered in the US yet. Murena uses e/os (a sort of de-googled android os), so apps like gmail are not native. They say that their store pulls from the google play store though, so any apps you've gotten through that should be compatible.