this post was submitted on 09 Nov 2023
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I swear, this shit makes it look more complicated than it actually is. In general, I just don't do to others what I wouldn't want to be done to me. There. That's all there is to it. Just don't be a dick to me and I won't be a dick to you. Easy.
What if you don't know how NOT to be a dick?
E.g. My parents love me, but they still have "been dicks" to me my whole life because they don't understand me, at all.
Their ideology on politics, religion, money, society, on what a kid of theirs should become, etc is so far from what I am and aspire to be that every discussion I have with them leaves me saddened.
Out of love for them, to please them, I refrain from outing my inner thoughts, my real desires. My parents get another version of me when I visit them. I want them to be happy, yet I am not. But I need them, because I'm kind of alone. I have this urge to please them.
If I had kids, I'd wish to talk to their real selves, not a stoic version of their take on my perception of what a good kid of mine should be. Blahh.
Sometimes being a dick is not searching to understand others.
Being a dick is also not telling others who you really are.
I don't think you're being a dick by being considerate of your parents. In fact, that shows that you still care for them, despite everything. But at some point you'll probably have to carefully tell your parents how you really feel.
As long as you're not hurting anyone/anything, your mental health is more important than anyone else's approval. If they actually love you, they'll get over it. But if they love the idea of you more than the actual you, then I think it would be completely normal to cut them out of your life, until they come to terms with it. Even if it hurts at first. That's what I'd do, at least.
Also, I get what being lonely is, believe me. At some point I got so sick of it that I went out and joined different hobby groups, even went to a few events that people join specifically to find new friends.
If you do that long enough, eventually you'll find people who've had similar experiences to you, and who you really get along with, who will also want to hang out with you. That at least worked for me.