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In terms of an optimal load spread, it's best if the lemmiverse is split into multiple equally sized instances. If you use an instance just for yourself, it doesn't actually decrease the load on the main servers in any way. The only thing you get is a guarantee that your instance won't suddenly go down.
I wanna self-host my own instance so I have more control over my data.
What kind of "control" do you mean? Your posts/comments get replicated across all the other instances. You can't really "guarantee" a delete, since the other instances might just ignore your request for delete.
By control, I mean I can back up my data and ensure my comments, subscribed communities, messages, etc are all available to me no matter what, I don't have to rely on some external third-party managing it for me.