this post was submitted on 07 Jul 2024
255 points (79.4% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 160 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What a horrible day to be literate.

[โ€“] [email protected] 30 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What a horrible time to be hungry. ๐Ÿคฎ

[โ€“] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (2 children)

so, staying in the subject of horribleness, have you ever realised the throwing up emoji looks like someone sucking shrek's cock?

im so soory

[โ€“] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Might be time for you to put the Internet away and go outside for an afternoon. ๐Ÿคฃ

[โ€“] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

yeah please give me the keys to the door, i've been here too long

[โ€“] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So recently I stumbled across a post saying that the vomiting emoji (๐Ÿคฎ) looks like it was giving head to Shrek. I had to start furiously jerking off while looking at vomiting emoji on Google images due to my overwhelming ogre fetish. The way the emoji is sucking Shrek's massive cock makes me horny as fuck. I continued beating my meat to this one image for twelve minutes straight until I finally came, then I realized what I had masturbated to.

I literally cannot unsee it so every time I saw the vomiting emoji I was forced to think about Shrek blowjob. One time while I was at work, but then I saw a ๐Ÿคฎ emoji, I instantly started jerking off because of how hot this image really is. People were shocked at first but when I told them it's ogre blowjob they all started masturbating together. Eventually I got fired for causing all this mess.

This could all be prevented if the vomiting emoji didn't look like someone giving head to Shrek. Please make it look less erotic so this doesn't happen again.

[โ€“] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

I can't unsee the Shreked emoji.

[โ€“] [email protected] 96 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[โ€“] [email protected] 33 points 1 month ago

If he eats himself completely, this will eventually resolve itself.

[โ€“] [email protected] 53 points 1 month ago

Iโ€™ve seen a lot of gross shit from Anon over the years, but this is among the worst.

[โ€“] [email protected] 42 points 1 month ago

I hate thid. I hat you OP. I fucking hate you. I didn't want to hear this. I didn't need to hear this. I was doing just fine. now I feel bad. fuck you.

and goodbye

[โ€“] [email protected] 35 points 1 month ago

Dermatophagia - โ€œone type of body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB)โ€

[โ€“] [email protected] 33 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sometime needs to be watching him all the time. This is why they invented God.

[โ€“] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

Forgive me father, for I have munched.

[โ€“] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[โ€“] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago
[โ€“] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

i understood that reference

[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

...not sure if my curiosity is worth the terrible day that I'll have after knowing what may come.next

[โ€“] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

you'll feel better if you don't

[โ€“] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago
[โ€“] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago

Doing weirdly disgusting things spur of the moment is one thing. But deliberately waiting to do it, having given yourself a bit to realize how gross it is? That's not right.

[โ€“] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

write about it on 4chan

[โ€“] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago

Bro, gross. Go to the bathroom and eat it there like a normal person.

[โ€“] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Bet he was itching for the moment to eat it too

[โ€“] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

I hoped someone would get that.

[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

My brother once got a huge scab on his knee and the top of it opened up and formed a pocket, so we put a penny in it lol

[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago
[โ€“] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

@Early_To_Risa People will feel queasy eating their own scabs but will mindlessly devour an entire string of morcilla, SMH my head

[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Instead of making it into a sausage, they should pour the blood onto a sheet pan and dehydrate it so they can eat the scabs like jerky. ๐Ÿ˜‹

[โ€“] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

Well, how was it? Was it worth the wait?

[โ€“] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago
[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

As a kid i used to have a scab eating compulsion, but it was like instant. If any amount of time passed at all it was immediately gross and i would immediately flick it away.

[โ€“] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

What is it with the urge to eat these things, I wonder...