this post was submitted on 13 Sep 2024
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Off My Chest

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I just need to get this off my chest because it’s been weighing on me. My daily routine feels like a never-ending loop of the same things, over and over again. Every day blends into the next with nothing exciting to break the cycle. I’ve tried to change things up, but even when I do, 90% of the time it still feels dull and uninspiring.

And it’s not like I haven’t tried. Over the last months and the past year, I’ve done a lot to shake things up: I got into rock climbing, went diving (though I have to travel further for that), tried arts, took different classes, learned a new language (Spanish), explored different coffee shops and bars. I’m doing so much, and yet, no matter what I try, everything just feels bland. The excitement fades fast, and I’m left feeling like I’m back at square one.

Honestly, I don’t need a doctor to tell me I’m depressed — I’m pretty sure I am, in some way. Even though it might not seem like it from what I’ve written, I genuinely love life. I just think it’s fair to say that I found more joy in life 10 years ago than I do now.

On top of that, the state of the world is messing with my head. The climate disaster is f*cking me up, too. It’s like this dark cloud that’s always looming in the back of my mind, with burning forests here, floods there, hurricanes here, and just constant environmental devastation. It’s a relentless reminder that things aren’t getting better. Technology isn’t helping either. I used to enjoy AI and new tech, but it’s gotten so overwhelming. Five years ago, I’d laugh at my mom for falling for fake calls or texts. Now I have to look for weird flaws in fingers, mouths, and eyes just to figure out if something is real or AI-generated.

And look at Flux — it’s just insane. The rapid advancement in AI tools like that makes it even harder to discern what’s real. It’s not just the fake calls and texts anymore; now we’re dealing with sophisticated AI that can generate incredibly realistic but entirely fabricated content. It feels like the line between reality and simulation is blurring more every day, and it’s exhausting to keep up with.

There are times when I honestly wish I wasn’t even born a human. Like, I’d rather be a bird or something else, just to escape this endless loop of dullness. And right now, I kind of wish I didn’t live here either. I know, when I go on vacation everything feels fine, and those moments are great. But I also know that the countries I visit aren’t some utopia either — they struggle too. It’s just easier to ignore when you’re only there for a little while.

And then there’s the feeling that everyone around me is so focused on themselves. It’s like people are caught up in their own lives, and I get it — life is hard for everyone. But it just adds to the isolation. No real connection, just people in their own bubbles.

Maybe I’ve just lost touch with what makes life exciting, or maybe I need something I haven’t figured out yet. But honestly, right now, life feels bland, and I’m not sure how to break out of it.

Anyone else ever feel like this? Or am I just going through the motions on my own?

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[–] ShurtBert 19 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Yes, many people including myself feel exactly as you have described here. I started seeing a therapist about 2 months ago and it's been helping me. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I am going to say that experience has taught me that it won't go away on its own. I would strongly encourage you to seek professional help. The sooner the better. Don't wait 10 years like I did.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (4 children)

Thanks.... I always wanted to, even just for talking. So I am open for it... but I struggle making an appointment and searching for therapist.

Where I live it isn't an issue but it takes like 6 months til you might get an appointment... so I often just say "screw it"

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

6 months are gonna go by anyway and you are not gonna look for an earlier appointment (I assume). So if this is the fastest you can do, why not?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Right on the money - that time will pass regardless, so may as well get on the schedule.

Yea, it's hard to do. I have some medical issues that work the same way (takes time to be seen, difficult to get motivated to call and schedule).

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Okay, well that's the depression talking. I should know!

Make the appointment now to start the clock, and in the meantime you can try something online, maybe an AI based therapy.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

They don’t have listings for everywhere, but I found the filters on https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling (you can change the country in the menu) very helpful, so I could narrow down to a therapist that’s a good fit.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Get a trusted friend to help you find a therapist and make that appointment.

Stay strong, fam.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

Yeah that sounds like depression to me mate.

A lot of people think it's about feeling sad. But often it's about feeling numb, sucking the joy out of everything and focusing on negatives instead of positives.

I would talk to your doctor. Therapy has also been super helpful for me.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Sounds a bit like attention economy burnout. It's tuned to young adults level of brain plasticity and as a lot of us are aging the cycle is wearing us out. In some ways you might need to start finding time to actually be properly bored again. Not like a constant semi-entertained state or stimulated by work that is dull... just actually properly bored on your own time by choice.

Find some low attention calorie things to do. Read books, chill out in a park or a coffee shop with your phone off, set timers and take 30 minutes of a nap and hit the snooze button for as many times as you want. Win back your high points by expanding the low end resting rate. Unplug from things that don't give you satisfying returns and see how that makes you feel.

And sometimes it's okay to lose a bit of sparkle. We get older and it's a little harder to find things that feel like an authentic fresh experience.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

You sound clinically depressed. Please talk to a therapist. Changing up your routine and adding fun things to your schedule should be making you happier.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I just wish i had never been born. I hate this world

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

The gnostic perspective.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I love you dude. You feel the same as me. I flew planes and still felt the same.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 2 months ago

What planes? Which one was your favorite? Why'd you stop?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

As the other commenters have already said, I, too, recommend seeing a therapist about this. But I want to offer an alternative perspective, from personal experience.

A lot of what you've said is very similar to something I went through and partially am still currently going through. I used to feel a deep sense of not belonging, of being a misfit, which saturated me so much so that at one point I fell into a deep, self-loathing depression.

Just like you've stated, it wasn't necessarily a static thing, like depression frequently seems to be, it felt active, like a response to a real 'something,' but my comorbid childhood trauma made me believe I was the problem.

I started going to therapy when enough became enough, and therapy helped me understand that, yes, I am a misfit, but a misfit in the context of this society and its state. My values do not match what society deems important. My beliefs don't match the common dogma. I don't have ambitions in the traditional sense, because my ambitions are centered around concepts like fairness and justice, around comprehension, not status and/or possessions.

Therapy didn't help me get over these because there was nothing, really, to get over. But it did help immensely in the sense that I felt understood for the first time in a long time. it encouraged me to redirect my frustrations toward trying to be the change I want to see. I got into politics for the first time, I started actually reading the people and theories which matched my values to understand as much as I can of them. Basically, it helped me accept myself as a misfit for everyone but myself. And slowly but surely, that also started filtering people with whom I actually had common subjects. And it turned that general dejection at seeing the world as it is into a motivating anger.

It also heped me understand that all of this was causing me immense emotional discomfort precisely because I, too, love life and everything living. How could one not suffer when seeing that which one loves is suffering?

Maybe this is not the case for you, I dunno. Not offering this up as a solution, just as a different example. Still highly recommend therapy, talking to someone who's open to listening and understanding always helps.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Others have already recommended seeing a therapist.

In the mean time, I'd like to recommend a book - "Your Erroneous Zones" by Wayne Dyer. It's a layman's intro to CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), though he never says so. It's an easy read, very approachable. From the 70's, so you can get a copy pretty cheap these days.

It's not technical at all, reads more like a conversation.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

I few months back I had to shut off all of my sources of news because all the Palestinian horror stories were fucking with my head. I wanted to in touch with what is happening in the world but it was all too much.

I have to agree with the post on being "properly bored" too. I've been dealing with general burnout too and spending time doing nothing and getting lost in my own head has done wonders.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

What do you do that feels meaningful to you? While hobbies may be enjoyable, they’re probably not the void in you that needs filling. Do you feel like you're part of something bigger? That you're making a difference or helping other people or society? I think this sense of meaning, or rather, the lack of it, is the key issue with our current generation, especially among young men.

I used to feel the same way. I had a good-paying and stable job, but it felt like a complete waste of time, like I wasn’t actually accomplishing anything. I’d finish work on one building and then just start over with the next. No one ever told me I was doing a good job or that I was being useful. Then I started my own business, and although I'm essentially doing the same work, my attitude has completely changed. I went from working on industrial buildings to working in people’s homes. They call me when they have a problem, I show up, fix it, and I can see the visible satisfaction and gratitude on their faces. That gives me an immense sense of meaning. Like I’m actually doing my part, like people need me.

What I often tell people like you is to grab a plastic bag and go out and fill it with trash. I guarantee you’ll feel great about yourself afterward. Picking trash is just a metaphor but also something you can actually go and do. Could be other similar thing as well. You can’t solve the world’s big problems alone, but you can still make a difference.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Save your money. Buy about 10-13 lbs of backpacking gear. Hike all summer, at least 75 days in the mountains. Maybe one of the Via Alpina routes. You’ll live a different life. You’ll have time to think about what’s important to you, and what’s not. When you return to your former life you’ll feel a bit sad. You may be inspired to make changes, or maybe not. You’ll probably enjoy some of the simple pleasures for a while, like hot water, or cold beverages.

You know when your computer isn’t working. Turn it off and back on. You need a reset.

That or try psilocybin, under the supervision of good friends.

Another option is to have a child. When you’re a parent you’ll be too busy to be depressed.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Never ever consider a child to be the solution to any of your problems. Please. Just. Don't. Besides all the potential trauma those children will likely have to endure, I can assure you, there is always enough time for depression.

Hope this was sarcasm on antlion's side.