this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2023
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Autism

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Image text: @agnieszkasshoes: "Part of what makes small talk so utterly debilitating for many of us who are neurodivergent is that having to smile and lie in answer to questions like, "how are you?" is exhausting to do even once, and society makes us do it countless times a day."

@LuckyHarmsGG: "It's not just the lie, it's the energy it takes to suppress the impulse to answer honestly, analyze whether the other person wants the truth, realize they almost certainly don't, and then have to make the DECISION to lie, every single time. Over and over. Decision fatigue is real"

@agnieszkasshoes: "Yes! The constant calculations are utterly exhausting - and all under the pressure of knowing that if you get it "wrong" you will be judged for it!"

My addition: For me, in addition to this, more specifically it's the energy to pull up that info and analyze how I am. Like I don't know the answer to that question and that's why it's so annoying. Now I need to analyze my day, decide what parts mean what to me and weigh the average basically, and then decide if that's appropriate to share/if the person really wants to hear the truth of that, then pull up my files of pre-prepared phrases for the question that fits most closely with the truth since not answering truthfully is close to impossible for me.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CvPSP-2xU4h/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Seeing all of these posts that I agree with in this community is really opening my eyes…

My 4 year old daughter was diagnosed with autism and I’ve been learning so much just through her and some of the readings I’ve done.

Excuse my ignorance, but is this a trait that is passed down? If so, I’m trying to figure out how did I make it this far in my life without the proper coping mechanisms.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

Yes, it is genetic. If you are a woman, that makes a lot of sense as the diagnostic criteria is only now starting to catch girls more frequently, even though it's still very flawed. Girls (and non-white people) are missed because the diagnostic criteria was developed studying young white boys exclusively. It turns out symptoms of autism are very variable and girls are much more likely to mask their symptoms and fly under the radar as just shy or quirky.

Here's Kate Kahle on why autism is missed in girls https://youtu.be/UI6kObHls-4

Here's a YouTube channel from a mom who was late diagnosed after her child was diagnosed https://youtu.be/zoXmrGtybts

Autism Instagram talking about how the older generations of their families are all full of autism and just don't know it https://www.instagram.com/p/CvMwpDNxiPL/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== https://www.instagram.com/p/Ct1VlsMxrSn/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== https://www.instagram.com/p/CmFFZuDMjXJ/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Scientific paper on heritability of autism "heritability was estimated to be 83%, suggesting that genetic factors may explain most of the risk for ASD. " https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5818813/

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (4 children)

In Finland nobody asks you that and if somebody does, everybody gives a direct and correct answer. It is one of the perks in any Finn that makes it hard for us to discuss with Americans if we're not used to them.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I've never wanted to move to Finland more (and I already want that, a lot) lol
(E: from UK, we also think Americans are weird, but still have this superficial politeness bullshit that gets so much in the way of communication)

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

For me, life isn't that difficult. I work construction, and apparently that is the world where it's ok to be weird. I answer honestly to every question I'm asked, and people either think you're joking or just appreciate the honesty. When I get the "how are you today", I normally respond "well I'm here, so not great", and that's totally fine

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

ugh working retail this is the 'question' that bugs me the most. No, this customer does not actually care about how I'm feeling, they're just continuing a shitty tradition that I want no part in. By now I just straight faced, monotone 'I'm doing good how about you' in hopes that they understand that I don't care, finish the exchange and move on. On my worst days I just don't answer.

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