I've been drinking brewed cacao (Cacao beans roasted, ground, and brewed like coffee) almost every day lately. So that.
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Dimethylmercury
Horchata
My heart says unsweetened black iced tea, but after a bout of kidney stones I guess I'd have to go with an iced herbal tea. Maybe something minty.
And no "water with a twist of lemon/slice of cucumber" goofs. Water isn't allowed.
No sugar, no proteins?
Tap water has minerals.
Tea.
What is this "water" you speak of? Seriously, I almost never drink it, I'm more into sugary drinks. But in light of the question asked, my one choice would be chocolate milk.
Tequila, some ice
Tequila contains water, and is also not healthy to have regularly.
Milk
I'll take the large glass of Poison. 1 glass is more than a lifetime supply.
Milk tea
In that case I'd have h2o too
SoBe Citrus Energy. Sadly it's important to find anymore. Nobody seems to distribute it anywhere near northern IL or southern WI anymore.
Irohas Melon Cream Soda. Long since discontinued Japanese seasonal item from about five years ago. Others come close, none are as good.