Sadly, this is not the Onion.

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Man who tried to assassinate Reagan says ‘violence is not the way to go’ (www.theguardian.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/aztroneka on 2024-07-17 21:03:21.
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Man who tried to assassinate Reagan says ‘violence is not the way to go’ (www.theguardian.com)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/kwentongskyblue on 2024-07-17 19:58:39.
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Sheriff: Teen shot, killed by deputy in Polk County after going into 'rage' about melted chocolate on his laptop (www.wtsp.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/JAlbert653 on 2024-07-17 18:50:05.
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‘Violence is not the way to go’; John Hinckley Jr. in recent social media post (www.wavy.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/emitremmus27 on 2024-07-17 18:27:01.
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Democratic Senator Who Called Bitcoin An Ideal Choice For Criminals Found Guilty Of Accepting Bribes In Gold, Cash And Luxury Car (www.benzinga.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Charming_Light_8713 on 2024-07-17 17:56:29.
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Red Velvet's Seulgi apologizes after facing backlash for swapping shoes with staff (www.allkpop.com)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Forward-Answer-4407 on 2024-07-17 17:40:16.
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Former CIA analyst Sue Mi indicted (edition.cnn.com)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Holden-Tewdiggs on 2024-07-17 16:13:33.
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Matt Gaetz and Kevin McCarthy's feud erupts at Republican convention (www.nbcnews.com)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/engadine_maccas1997 on 2024-07-17 13:20:31.
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North Korean Envoy 'Drowned' in Moscow Pond: Reports (www.newsweek.com)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Wings_of_Darkness on 2024-07-17 12:46:45.
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Albert the alligator's owner sues New York state agency in effort to be reunited with seized pet (www.ksat.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/StickHead9865 on 2024-07-17 12:30:41.
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Astronaut gives honest TripAdvisor review of living in space (ktla.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/GetOffMyGrassBrats on 2024-07-17 11:55:23.
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Baby ‘saved from traffickers’ was borrowed by charity for photos (www.bbc.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/adiian on 2024-07-17 11:53:02.
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Butter made from CO2, not cows, tastes like ‘the real thing’, claims startup (www.theguardian.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Ben-Goldberg on 2024-07-17 11:40:26.
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Man skipped work for 6 years on full pay and was only found out after he was set to win an award (www.unilad.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/uchman365 on 2024-07-17 09:44:01.
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Once again, a motorist drives down a boat ramp into West Hawai‘i harbor (bigislandnow.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/uwantSAMOA on 2024-07-17 01:11:41.
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Whoopi Goldberg honored her mother at Disneyland in a way you’re really not supposed to (www.cnn.com)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/lostrock on 2024-07-17 00:44:42.
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‘We are better than this:’ Officials call for end to violence, threats against linemen working to restore power (www.click2houston.com)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Sandstorm400 on 2024-07-17 00:07:41.
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Why 'Twisters' Refuses to Mention Climate Change (www.hollywoodreporter.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/FigureOfStickman on 2024-07-16 21:46:09.
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‘I was drunk’: Ingrid Andress responds to criticism of national anthem performance (www.theguardian.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/MORaHo04 on 2024-07-16 20:59:47.
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RNC security: Guns OK, tennis balls banned within rough footprint (www.fox6now.com)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/SelectiveSanity on 2024-07-16 19:01:46.
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NH House Candidate Hopes Voters Can Look Past His Murder Conviction (nhjournal.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Schiffy94 on 2024-07-16 18:22:15.
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Scientists Thought This 300 Million-Year-Old ‘Blob’ Fossil Was A Jellyfish — Turns Out, They’d Just Been Looking At It Upside Down (allthatsinteresting.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/mmurphy93 on 2024-07-16 16:45:08.
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Suspected drug-smuggling tunnel found in Tijuana is so long authorities don't have enough oxygen to reach other end (www.latintimes.com)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/OldWeekend501 on 2024-07-16 16:34:08.
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41% of People Believe Every Text “Needs” to Include an Emoji (drgnews.com)
submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Forward-Answer-4407 on 2024-07-16 15:47:45.
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Florida 'Squatter On Steroids' Convicted After Only 35 Minutes (www.newsweek.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/JAlbert653 on 2024-07-16 14:36:50.
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