alternative post title: how can I grow a thicker skin, so I simply stop caring what my coworkers think or say?
I'm still looking for a drama free workplace and I don't understand why people seem to enjoy creating chaos out of nowhere
Working in several industries, I've met:
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white Christian nationalist: too many Arabs and Mexicans in our country, somebody should send them all back to where they belong, and I'm very Christian. This was 5 minutes after meeting me for the first time. Why even tell this to a coworker?
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Married woman complaining to me about how her husband isn't so affectionate nowadays: 2 minutes after meeting me for the first time. Who does that? Shouldn't you tell this to somebody you trust, like a friend and not a stranger you met 2 minutes ago?
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An anti vaxxer trying to convert me to his cause, or however you want to call it.
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And just today: 'it's good that Trump was shot' Why would a sane person blurt that out in the middle of our pause for everyone to hear you? Why do you need to antagonize your coworkers? This was a manager btw.
I have waaaaay more examples, but I'll keep it simple.
I just want to work and go home. Completely drama free. I don't want to care what coworkers think, but apparently I'm very thin skinned and I'm easy to be triggered. Each of the examples I wrote triggered me: I wanted to yell 'fck off, you piece of sht, I don't give a f*ck what you think, leave me alone', or something like that. But I need the job.
My conundrum: If this happens at every workplace, wouldn't it make more sense to stay with the devil you know?
Unless, of course, you've job hopped till you found a drama free workplace... please tell me how you did it.
I want to be the old guy who doesn't give a f*ck about stuff like this, yet it still triggers me.
Ugh, I know exactly what you mean! I hope to become better at simply being frank and setting boundaries. Seriously, I just met you and you tell me your mom just died? OK, that is terrible, of course, but what the actual fuck, I'd almost go so far as to call that borderline abusive.
Then the guy next to me at this one job I had. Complaining the whole day. Every day. And you know what? I think it's my fault. I just let people like that use me as an emotional trashbin. If I were there now I'd definitely do something about it.
It's incredibly hard to overcome that behavior. I can recommend martial arts, since it allows you to process these behaviors and related emotions physically. Sounds a bit silly but my god you know exactly where your thresholds are and not to hesitate to hold your stand and how you're gonna do it.
You can't get rid of that one toxic person. They'll always be there in every group. The stoics wrote about it thousands of years ago, that it is our fate and we can only learn to handle it.