this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2023
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I did my collapsing early on today - woke up at 9:30am and didn't start doing any work until 4:30pm today because my brain was too fried to be utilised. My psychologist told me about "pacing" and how over time your capacity can recover and I'm like goddammit I can't see how that would actually work - I think I would just sleep more and more and more tbh. I need so much recovery.
It's not really a long lived or sustainable solution either but sometimes having a change of scenary like going on a trip could be a better 'recharge' than just resting and sleeping. But yeah I mean a long weekend trip is nice you come back and feel recharged for a day or two but then it all comes back to you and it's like 'oh no not this again' lol
For real, the most recent trips I've had it's actually been harder to return to work afterwards because I'm fuming that the trip was too short. I'm housesitting in a completely different part of Melbourne for a couple more weeks so that's been a nice change of scenery in itself but even when i start doing more relaxing things like walks, I find myself unable to drum up the energy and focus to work efficiently.
There's certainly an existential component to it all. You know, I could heal myself and recover my energy and become more balanced... just so I can be a well regulated worker bee? No thanks. I gotta find a different way to contribute without killing my soul over and over again
Oh dear. That certainly sounds like burn out. I know what you mean - it just feels like we're slaves to the system sometimes. Makes a world of a difference finding the right employer and management too I guess which is easier said than done. The world is filled with people who's out to suck all the life out of employees. Hope there's light at the end of the tunnel!