Author: Toby Morris
this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2024
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Frankly I don’t really care about systemic problems not genuinely so but wanted to write lotta words I cannot say aloud to anyone.
You see having someone to confide this stuff is rare usually I have to be acting. Weaving some personas
Just so occasion arises with some semi vaguely connected comic.
So I can just shower ya all with my deepest thoughts without any repercussions. Brutal honesty is what I miss sometimes that was always fun.
I usually am focused on my self improvement journey but once a week I get a cheat meal so to say. This is my cheat meal
Feels good but also is so socially bad lol but hey you have to let loose sometimes
It sounds like you're a narcissist and psychopath or sociopath. If you're in the US, you won the jackpot as our wealth-obsessed society allows people with antisocial disorders like that to go very far, especially if they're intelligent and skilled at masking.
EDIT: After reading more comments of yours further down, you definitely are and are aware of it. Not having empathy is antithetical to my whole being, but I do appreciate your honesty and hope you at least don't take pleasure in other people's pain.
Yeah can't say them aloud cause no one wants to be near a person that thinks they are superior to everyone else and you at best have only business acquaintances instead of friends?
Stop treating people like toys and tools and thinking it's fun to be cruel and you won't be so lonely.
I think it’s sort of built in tbh. I can’t remember when it wasn’t the case.
All the cozy stuff arson, animal cruelty and the things as a kid.
I just don’t have this sense you all neurotypicals have. And I only know because some drugs make me see a glimpse of it. Of this sort of warm feeling towards living beings. It’s very rare to feel this for me
It’s kinda nice but like it’s super ephemeral. But it all has its pros and cons
And you are right I don’t even understand friendship or why would I want one. Like I don’t get it it seems too much hassle to get things you can have without it
Christ as if any of that makes you special.
Kids burn shit all the time, my sister tried to start a circus that killed all our pets and more.
You are just roleplaying your idea of a perfect person to get through this reality extra hard. I don't care. You aren't actually special or better than anyone. You are barely unique in a numbers game anyways.
You are whoever you act like. Congrats. You picked a sure heck of a winner. Shame it's so pathetic.
Well then I am several people then because holy shit I change it week to week, day to day
Otherwise it would be boring yes
Yesterday was truly best person day, today is worst person day
You sound desperate to be special.
Well maybe because I could have like narcissism or npd it’s pretty probable. Psychedelics revealed it to me many times
Or like that one - HPD
Lemme have some fun online from time to time
More psychedelics after today is in order though to balance this rampage so to say, they always recenter me.
At some point I will get a good grasp on this thing and enough data points. Gonna pop some stuff now and see how this experience relates to my internal psyche
All just names to say you want to be special.
I truly don't care. Everyone else is already unique and also living the same reality as you. Get over yourself or go away and don't rely on anyone else for anything.
I will end with this.
You sound like my methed up sister who insists she's special too. I only hope you don't actually end up like her. Mostly because you end up doing awful shit to people because you are searching for some high of superiority. It's left her very alone and taken advantage of more than she's taken advantage of others.
I don’t really do awful shit though like by choice. I have been doing and sometimes miss these times but I acknowledge the dead end it becomes.
I mean I don’t do awful shit for the sake of just doing awful shit anymore at least. I am a proper citizen now you know. If there’s awful shit to be done the reward must be adequate
That is I could find easily people I could say it to but like they are disgusting and I ended this phase and no longer have a company of unsavoury types
Now I am a proper citizen, good, kind and all the stuff and my company consists of similar.
I am in lgbt circles now and even socialists so like not the best audience for this sorta talk lol
You can't change a turd