this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2024
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So my dad had a friend that was so close we called him uncle. Im guessing in most cases and sure in my dads case it was basically his best friend. So he was single and my dad was married raising seven kids. He would stop by with beers out of the blue and he always also picked up some soda or something for the kids. The fact he made it a point to think of us I think impacted us a lot in terms of how important simple kindness can be. So that is the first part. He died while I was in a PhD program and honestly it was not the only reason I left the program but it helped give a good nudge (since my grades suffered for one thing) and actually it let me re-evaluate and realize I did not really want to put in the level of effort needed versus the rewards I would reap in research.
I hope you found the road you want to actually be on. Sudden deaths (I am going to guess 50s?) freakin' suck. And I have a couple of people I love who have suffered through either older siblings or fathers going at that age either due to medical complications or heart attacks. And they're all kinds of ugly, because it's just like...I mean I know they always say "it's too soon" when they point at people in their 20s and younger. But really - even 50s and under are too soon. Because they're here one day, and then they aren't. And it just feels like there's this hole that your mind cannot wrangle, and a pain your heart cannot take. I feel so hard for people who lose people too soon. It's lovely that you share his bigness though, still. And it's beautiful, the way kindness is contagious. One time I was on a train with my ex, and a blind guy came bussing through. Scam or not, when a dollar entered the pot - more and more came. And it showed me how people are willing to give, but their hearts need to be guided. Your uncle (and he was most def your uncle ;P!) showed you that, and it's big! So many people discredit kids, I grew up with better seen not heard. But I mean, in general - you can see kids being discredited right now just look around. It's big he taught you to look after the whole lot. And he for sure loved you guys to death. Big healing, big love - tons of aloha.
unrelated but one place I worked were funnding ran out and a few positions were cut including me and the accoutant. He was at this wierd age of upper fifties and did just well enough that he could retire but it would be tight. He looked for another job at the institution and basically retired when he could not find one. I swear it was less than a year later but maybe it was a bit more. He was jogging and just dropped dead of a heart attack. It was so surreal and wierd. His office was right next to mine and we would each lunch together all the time along with some other folks.
Heard a thing about how feeling unwanted by society kills.