this post was submitted on 15 Aug 2024
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Vance doesn’t read books or book summaries, he reads online book discussions to learn what his opinions should be
Keeps a hot pack under his pillow to keep both sides warm
Eats his hotdogs center-out
Audibly vocalizes “mmmmmmm” every time he steps into a school
Prefers his curly fries steamed
He feeds his fingernail clippings to squirrels
He tips with those fake $100 bill religious tracts
He stands to the left on the peoplemover in the airport
He prefers his socks sweaty and "crunchy"
He begins most conversations with "don't you know who I am?"
He does that thing when he talks where he gets too close and starts rubbing your shoulder
I know most of these are just silly digs for the memes, but I could 100% see prince couchfucker doing this and thinking in his mind that he actually did the server a favor.
He uses metal utensils on teflon non-stick pots and pans, then immediately runs them under cold tap water because finds the sizzle soothing
He orders a salad with the dressing on the side and eats everything but the lettuce
He puts quick-dry clothes in the wash on HOT and leaves them in the dryer for an hour on maximum temperature
He waits until it's his turn to order to start looking at the menu when dining at fast food joints
He showers everywhere, even at home, in a bathing suit because even he thinks it's totally gay if he sees any male's genitals...even his own
He goes to a fancy steakhouse, orders a filet mignon well done, and dips it in ketchup packets he brought in his pocket
Whenever he plays Cards Against Humanity, every round he says "I don't get it"
He never swallows fruit seeds because he will argue to the death that the seeds will grow inside you. Same with chewing gum and takes 5-7 years to digest it