this post was submitted on 17 Aug 2024
684 points (98.9% liked)
me_irl
4733 readers
293 users here now
All posts need to have the same title: me_irl it is allowed to use an emoji instead of the underscore _
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Does anybody have a real answer?
You're a social primate with social anxiety?
but i'm not anxious, just irritated
What's the difference? I'm really asking.
Anxiety is stressing about interactions and how they'll go. Worrying that you'll upset someone or say something wrong, or just even not knowing what to say next in a conversation. Thinking that people will make fun of you or hate you for who you are. Potentially even avoiding such interactions to "prevent" these manufactured possibilities.
Irritation is more like "Holy shit this dude has been rambling about inane bullshit I don't care about for the last 30 minutes and isn't getting the hints I want him to stop and go away. Please just shut the fuck up already so I can go back to focusing on what I was doing"
It really depends on both sides of the interaction and what's happening with the individuals.
I've seen ppl tolerate some very annoying situations and manage it quite successfully and don't let it annoy them .
Then There are people out there that monopolize conversations. That in itself could be a form of narcissism and lack of consideration. Conversely: your own Irritation could also be because you just want your interests discussed or want to be the topic and can't tolerate things that aren't about showcasing to you or about you. This again could just be more narcissism than legitimate irritation. a battle of egos even.
Or it could be you're tired. Or hangry. Or burnt out.
The difference is when you realize a rational reaction to someone and if you can let shit go and not let it annoy you so much. Also if sleeping or eating something and you forget why you hated that person so much.
It's worth stepping back and asking yourself why you let this petty shit get to you though. Others are gonna be who they be with or without your approval.
For me personally, I just am and always have been a really big introvert, and my social battery drains very quickly if I'm stuck in a social situation I'm not interested in because of it. If I start giving you signs that I'm tired of talking or that I was trying to focus on something important that you're distracting me from, and you still keep going anyways, then I start getting irritated.
If I was better at politely but firmly telling people to leave me the hell alone when that battery drains it probably wouldn't be as much of an issue, but I also don't know how to do that without feeling rude.
Leaving you “the hell alone” right there, tells me you are not speaking as an introvert. You might have introvert traits but that doesn’t speak on what it is to be introverted alone.
You sound like youre emotional all about it. angry enough to get upset. This seems more anxious. Introverts don’t have issues socializing and they don’t see it as a chore where they get fed up. They recognize that they need to take a break, they take one. They don’t lack empathy or acknowledging other people in a situation just to concentrate on run away feelings. It’s easy to extract when you’re not upset. You got something else going on.
the answer is: probably not. this might be very personal and then the only one who "could" have a real answer, is the one asking for one.
but ideas do exist
what if you want social interaction but what "they" call social interaction actually is not what you want?
maybe you don't want group interaction but instead a single friend to go out and maybe do stupid harmless stuff or watch sth instead?
groups always are different, also people behave different when in groups.
maybe one just choosed the wrong ones to interact with. society has lots of subgroups, some even toxic by their own wish. maybe better choose more wisely.
maybe learn to cope with your personality not beeing ready yet to be part of a group by adding yourself to it slowly?
maybe these are answers, but if they are real ones, who knows?
There's a social spectrum. There are varying levels of asocial- one being demisocial. Demisocial people want interaction, but normally with a close few people that they have a strong bond with. Put someone who is on the asocial side in a large group and they'll get overstimulated and overwhelmed. It takes time to figure out your social tolerance and what pushes you over the edge. Some people will encourage asocial people to desensitize themselves by forcing themselves into social situations, but that can be extremely unhealthy for them and lead to burnout. There's nothing wrong with anyone who doesn't like huge social settings... Some people just don't like accommodating others so they make it a you problem. Finding your people can be hard and lonely, but it's far more fulfilling when you do.
Here's another answer!
a) we want to be social
It's in our nature to want to be around other people. It helps us feel safe, create a sense of belonging, is amusing, and provides us with rich experiences that are hard or not possible to achieve on our own. Lots of simple reasons why people want to hang out.
b) but we have an ego
But everyone is walking about with a very intimate/personal concept of self that instructs them how to behave, how to feel, how to respond. Our feelings and thoughts in each moment are shaped by our sense of identity. Our identity isn't actually a fixed, immutable thing. It is constantly shifting, working to conform or be different or just prevent itself from collapsing entirely. The self responds to the environment the same way out bodies do.
c) being social
So we're home alone and wanting some company because we're feeling lonely, but then we arrange ourselves to spend time with others and suddenly our self is on high alert because it's being observed by others. Am I being genuine? Do people like me? Am I talking enough, or too much? Do I look ok? Did I wear the right clothes? Can I share this opinion? What should I say about that? Every conscious thought and unconscious pattern is at play, pulling and poking your sense of self and it can be disorientating and scary.
Yeah. In my case it’s a mix of my ADHD/probable autism competing with each other.
The ADHD makes me crave novel social interactions that have a lot of emotion and joy.
My autism makes this seem exhausting. Half the time it causes me to cancel before I can even achieve my ADHD plans. And it leaves me feeling way WORSE than if I have never agreed to do the thing because now I’m flaky to people that actually are okay spending time with me that.
So now I made plans. Got excited. Ruined them. And potentially damaged a friendship.
It be hard out here when your brains doing it’s own shit.