this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2023
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I relate to this so well. Touched bases with someone from high school just yesterday. Havent spoken to him in 15 years. We were talking about a good friend of both of ours who hung himself. I kept dropping comments about him "hanging around" and how he "hung out" here or there, he "knew the ropes".. but the guy never acknowledged that I was trying to make light of a heavy situation.. Or maybe he knew and wasn't on the same page. 😂
Probably because you crossed the line from “dark” to “cruel”.
Without speaking to him in years, and especially about that mutual friend, you have no idea how he’s viewed that loss, or has other, more recent losses that are similar.
And you kept pushing it when he didn’t laugh, either deliberately or inadvertently using the social convention of not causing a scene/confronting someone over a joke to your advantage.
Thanks for the insight. Truth is I still struggle with his passing. He had a great sense of humor and we knew we could make the most dark/twisted jokes and comments to one another. I kept thinking about him when I was dropping the subtle hanging comments to this other dude. I saw it as honoring what i loved best about the deceased but maybe I'm just having a hard time coping. Thanks again.
I can understand wanting to honor your friend, but by making his death the butt of the joke that’s a lot more collateral damage than you intended.
It might work out better if you make dark jokes that aren’t pointed AT your friend but are directed outward, with a “he’d like that” tacked on. That way, it highlights something you liked about him without hitting other people.