this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2023
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Trying to get people to change problematic behaviour, language, or opinion through yelling, or shaming is ineffective most of the time. Obviously I can't expect people who belong to minorities to not be angry, not everyone can be Daryl Davis, but if you are white and don't have a personal trauma, you should use more effective methods to correct people's problematic behaviour.
Source: I was able to get my family to stop using the N word, and even my elderly father who doesn't actually remember that it's bad to use the N word has stopped using it thanks to this very simple technique: every time he says that word, stop the conversation and explain why this word is harmful and dangerous to use, don't let them steer the conversation back. Being visibly angry with them will only make them dig in their heels and seek comfort with other people who are racist, making it more difficult to get them out.
Eventually they will subconsciously stop using that word, simply because this causes the conversation to be interrupted every time. So while I don't punish them (can't exactly tell my father to go to his room or something), the repeated inconvenience of having the conversation halted every time will get it in their head eventually.
I think this is the most effective method to correct problematic behaviour in adults.
Given this is Lemmy/Reddit overspill I think the more unpopular opinion mentioned here would be "you shouldn't be apathetic towards social problems and instead actually try to do something about them"
That's not what I meant... I meant that the method of correcting problematic behaviour that I usually see from fellow progressive is ineffective, and that opinion seems to be unpopular among leftist circles.
I've been trying to be more willing to listen recently. Of course there are some people who don't want to have a dialogue and will just post their anger and run. I don't engage with these posts cause the user was looking for a reaction rather than a conversation.
But if someone is willing to explain why they feel the way they do about something, willing to hear criticism, and perhaps even ask me questions, I'm more likely to engage with them.
That's great. I was mostly thinking of IRL conversations, but this works too.
I may be reading this wrong. But are you saying if you are white, you must behave a certain way(refrain from yelling or cursing, etc...but if you are a minority, it's acceptable to do those things? Or have I totally missed what you are saying?
No. What I mean is that yelling and cursing is not effective at changing people's behaviour so it is best to avoid that, but at the same time I can't expect a black person who has suffered personally and directly from racism to remain composed and polite, while it is relatively easier for someone who isn't from a minority group and never been a victim of to remain composed.