this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2023
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I've been wondering for quite a while if I have autism or not as I seem to hit a lot of the commonly reported symptoms and experiences. I recently tried some of the self-tests out there, including the ones on Embrace Autism, and yeah, I hit every single one I tried for mild to even moderate autism. Scored 49 on the rbq-2a for example.

Now, I know that none of those tests are conclusive and I could easily be a false positive, so I'm not directly claiming I have autism. But I'm thinking the next step is probably to talk to my primary care doctor, but to be honest I'm really hesitant to/don't completely trust the mental health system in Canada. Genuinely asking because I don't really have anyone in my personal life who has similar experiences or I think would understand: what do people here think about getting a formal diagnosis? Is it always something one should pursue if they suspect they're on the spectrum? Are there any major drawbacks? I'm especially concerned about it affecting my career prospects (which already aren't great tbh, my fault for getting a science degree in an already niche field which I deeply regret but that's a different story) or my ability to take out loans or rent an apartment by myself. I don't personally see my autism (if I have it) as a disability, but unfortunately in Canada it is still very much seen as such. Who am I required to disclose an autism diagnosis if I am diagnosed?

I'm really sorry if any of this comes off as insensitive. I have never really participated in the autism online community and I am in no way trying to put down people with autism, I'm honestly just kind of scared about what this means for me. Anyone else in a similar situation, or were in a similar situation? Care to share your experiences or have any advice?

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Not exactly what you're looking for, but in this report employment is already scarily low (25%). Keep in mind some possible selection biases because the "milder" ones can often live a long time without even knowing they're autistic.

On personal experience employers also have this weird belief that every autistic person is some Sherlock Holmes savant, so as soon as we disappoint by being mere mortals they change their tune very quickly. I myself am unemployed because I can't work a full time daily office job without getting burnt out, so even quitting might be interesting to account for besides firing.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Gonna read the link, but out of curiosity, about how long into a job would you say you burn out at? I will start a job and then after about 6 or so months "the shine wears off" and I always fall back into this going through the motions and day dreaming mode.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It usually doesn't last longer than an year, but depends on a couple of factors. I generally hate trying to concentrate while surrounded by other people, so during the pandemic I actually had a way better time due to working from home. It also doesn't help that in the area I'm trying to leave (Machine Learning and Data Science) a lot of the good-paying work is very useless, so keeping any illusion of purpose is very hard.

I also have ADHD, so I wish it was more normalised to be able to just "take a break" every once in a while instead of having sprint after sprint to appease the Trello Gods. I've been even devising in my head a work routine of "playing support" every once in a while where the worker can reduce their workload and only focus on helping out the other ones during slow weeks.

I used to be quite a workaholic and to obsess over doing the best work, but right now I'm just looking into freelance gigs and part-time jobs to keep me fed with less effort. I think if I still manage to have time to do something actually interesting by myself on my terms, actually working only to pay rent might be manageable to my mental health.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I recently got fired from my software dev job and am really considering going freelance at this point. I'm working on learning Kotlin and wanna build a few small apps over the next year or so to fill out a portfolio and then will go from there. My last job was remote and I thought that wold have fixed the "working with a bunch of people" issue but then my boss put me on support calls and I wasn't able to focus on the programming like I wanted to.

Also the "playing support" idea is really great and I don't know why people don't consider it. I can see it help especially with junior level developers like myself but also help you as the tutor, so to speak.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

my boss put me on support calls

Your boss is a demon.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

No fucking joke man. I think you are a dev so like, imagine being in a flow state, working 2+ hours on something, super focused, then BAM! phone rings and it's some field tech trying to figure out why our software won't run on Ubuntu 18 when we switched support to Ubuntu 20 last year.

On the flipside, I just spent 3 hours uninterrupted, working on a persona project, so hey...

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Good luck on Kotlin and the freelance sites!

I think the employers are resistant on the idea there because becoming "management" is supposed to be a promotion for the "good ones," and that'd take away from their roles. In their eyes you're either an important manager or a disposable developer.

I call it "support" specifically to counter the notion of being a superior. Lots of newer workers will already know things others don't yet, so in a sense it's just a worker solidarity thing, with the added bonus of a change of pace for people who are a bit tired but not enough to warrant sick leave.

But you probably already know how techbro CEOs feel about solidarity...

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

But you probably already know how techbro CEOs feel about solidarity...

Especially after the whole Twitter thing. At my last job we were a bit more cohesive, but our boss was pretty laid back too. I don't think I've experienced "code monkey" culture so much.