Witchy Memes

SCP 88999 - The Eldrich CD player. Safe class.

After the latest break in by the cult of SCP 2662, a record player was discovered on one of the bodies.

It wasn't until SCP 2662 used this cd player itself that it's anomalous properties came forth. For the vast majority of cds inserted into SCP 88999, nothing happens, however if one is to insert a copy, cover, or parody of Dolly Parton's "Jolyne" they'll find the song continues much further than expected.

However this is never pleasant, as the lyrics never reach the final act of the song, instead the portion of the lyrics describing Jolyne will continue, seemingly indefinitely, with the description warping and becoming more and more disturbing the longer it goes on. For example after Dolly begs Jolyne to not take her man, several instances of this recording have had different stanzas describe Jolyne cackling with delight, flipping Dolly off, or even spitting in her face, something Dolly's character likely doesn't deserve.

However this is still the mild stage, eventually the lyrics continue to describe various impossible eldrich beings, often attributed to have impossible features such as "a billion left eyes", "tears of lead", "mile wide claws", "4th dimensional spikes", and "eyes of madness".

These lyrics apparently also hold a nmetic effect on listeners, slowly driving anyone listening to complete madness after listening for roughly 72 minutes. A deaf D-class agent will need to be expended to shut off the device after it has played for more than 46 minutes, after which they will need to he psychoactivly analyzed as even feeling the vibrations of the device can cause delayed madness effects.

Interestingly enough, while normal songs are useless to this device, parodies or poor covers of the song produce even stranger half-results, often resulting in "eldrich jolyne" being described as a 4 foot squirrel with gastrointestinal destress. It has been used occasionally by SCP staff to jokingly mock others for their singing ability.