this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2023
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A High Priority for Moving Away from Lemmy (beehaw.org)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Several months ago Beehaw received a report about CSAM (i.e. Child Sexual Abuse Material). As an admin, I had to investigate this in order to verify and take the next steps. This was the first time in my life that I had ever seen images such as these. Not to go into great detail, but the images were of a very young child performing sexual acts with an adult.

The explicit nature of these images, the gut-wrenching shock and horror, the disgust and helplessness were very overwhelming to me. Those images are burnt into my mind and I would love to get rid of them but I don’t know how or if it is possible. Maybe time will take them out of my mind.

In my strong opinion, Beehaw must seek a platform where NO ONE will ever have to see these types of images. A software platform that makes it nearly impossible for Beehaw to host, in any way, CSAM.

If the other admins want to give their opinions about this, then I am all ears.

I, simply, cannot move forward with the Beehaw project unless this is one of our top priorities when choosing where we are going to go.

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I just want to say, I am so so so sorry you had to see that.

I accidentally saw some CSAM in the 1990s and you are right, it is burnt into your mind. It's the real limit case of "what has been seen cannot be unseen" - all I could do was learn to avoid accessing those memories.

If you can access counselling for this, that might be a good option. Vicarious trauma is a real phenomenon.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If you can access counselling for this, that might be a good option. Vicarious trauma is a real phenomenon.

Thank you for the advice. I'm not sure that I'll need counseling but I'm open to it if need be. Time will tell.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Be sure to keep tabs on yourself, sometimes these things can really sneak up on you.