this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2023
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Autism

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being "confident" doesn't mean you should double check just to be sure, it means you should pretend to be certain about things you are not certain about. (feddit.de)
submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
30 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I've spent some time reflecting yesterday and I realized that. When people want you to be confident they don't want you to be actually confident, they want you to pretend you are. It is idiotic and makes no sense, but it explains a lot of situations in which I behaved the wrong way.

confidence to me means the opposite of that. it means questioning your asssumptions, approaching things from a different angle, reflect, recalculate, asking for a second opinion. Because I'll end up with greater confidence that my assertions are more truthful. But apparently doing all that makes people think I'm insecure. Shit!

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

If double checking your beliefs will mean you are then confident in them, do that double check before you speak. Make it part of coming to your conclusion in the first place, and then trust yourself enough to stick to that. That's true confidence. Worrying and asking for more opinions, or double checking after you have your conclusion just telegraphs uncertainty.