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If you genuinely mean what you said at the end: he's a good guy, he's good at his job, and he's got your back.
Then just practice Zen, don't let him get to you, you only interact with this person socially at work, you could skip the lunches, you could just ignore the things he's doing. But where it counts he's got your back.
Developing the perspective, and the life skills, to just let temporary inconvenience slide off of you or even not matter to you, is a great life skill that has lots of benefits.
That's been working for the past two years but I feel like I'm reaching the end of my patience.
Your options
A. Talk to him directly, frankly, like you would to somebody on the spectrum. See if they can modify their behavior
B. Talk to HR, who will try to scare him, and may eventually fire him
C. Change departments or find a new job, then you don't have to deal with him.
You said they're a midlife adult, it's going to be hard for them to modify their personality. If you're okay with them getting fired then go with option a than b. If you're not okay with them getting fired go with option a then c.
Best of luck!