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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Live_Appointment4219 on 2023-07-02 20:11:14+00:00.
I'm a 48-year-old man and my 19-year-old daughter has always been an independent thinker. I raised her to be independent and think for herself, which I've always appreciated. However, we recently hit a bit of a snag.
She got engaged and decided that she doesn't want me to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. She argues that her mother and I don't "own" her, therefore we have no right to "give her away". I feel hurt by this because we never treated her like an object or piece of property, rather we've tried our best to provide her with a wonderful life.
Her stance seems extreme to me and despite discussions, she's refusing to budge on the issue. I respect her choices, but I feel she's disregarding our feelings completely. As a response, I told her that if she feels that way, then I won't be paying for her wedding.
I don't want to come across as controlling or manipulative. But by her logic, if I don't "own" her, I also don't owe her a fully-funded wedding. She can pay for her own wedding if she's insistent on this stance.
I'm feeling quite conflicted about this. AITA?
Edit:
So, this isn't about making the wedding about me. Walking her down the aisle (while all eyes are on her anyway) and then sitting down is hardly making the wedding about me. It's about her attitude. She's had every opportunity in life so far, and to exclude us from this day is a spit in the face. It's a rejection of everything we've done for her, sacrificed for her, given her. It's selfish.
Independent thinking does not mean rude or selfish thinking. Being an independent thinker does not give someone the license to disregard or disrespect the thoughts, feelings, or perspectives of others. Independent thinking is about maintaining the ability to think critically and form one's own opinions while remaining respectful and considerate of others. It is a balance between asserting individuality and engaging in meaningful and respectful interactions with others.
NTA.