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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Last_Interaction_762 on 2023-07-02 19:57:20+00:00.
I (29F) got engaged to my boyfriend, Peter (30M) in early 2023 and our wedding is scheduled for early 2024.
Peter has a sister, Olivia, who’s 15 and was recently diagnosed with leukemia. She’s receiving chemotherapy and as far as I know, it’s not terminal.
One of Olivia’s dreams in life is to get married. Ever since I’ve known her, she’s talked about her future wedding and has planned every last detail. Since she got diagnosed, she’s become very worried that she won’t be able to have her dream wedding because she might pass before that happens. Based on what I know about her diagnosis, she’ll likely survive and go on to live a full life, but it’s a definite possibility she could die.
Peter and I are currently in the wedding planning stage, and this is also where we might be the assholes. Peter’s parents approached us a few days ago and asked if we would be willing to dedicate some of our wedding time to Olivia since she might not get one of her own. According to them, Olivia wants to wear a wedding dress, invite a lot of her friends, have a say in the food/cake/decorations, and have a first dance with her boyfriend. They said it’s better to do all this at me and Peter’s wedding because then the family can celebrate all together.
Peter and I were shocked that they would ask this since we thought that our wedding would be about us. I know Olivia is struggling and I feel completely awful for her since no teenager should have their youth ruined by cancer, but I don’t see why we can’t have a separate party for Olivia instead of having to dedicate half our day to her. Especially since she would likely get most of the attention due to her condition. Additionally, it would cost a lot more money to have to pay for Olivia’s friends to attend the wedding (Peter’s parents only offered to pay for 75% of the additional cost) and Peter and I aren’t made of money.
Peter and I told Peter’s parents we would think about it, but after discussing it, we decided it would be better to say no because we’d prefer our day to be about us, but we’d be more than willing to pitch in funds and help plan a separate party for Olivia. But when we informed Peter’s parents, they were furious. They said they couldn’t believe we were prioritizing ourselves over a child with cancer and that we were being selfish. They said this might be Olivia’s only chance for a wedding and how dare we deny her “dying wish.” I said I didn’t understand why we couldn’t have a separate party, but Peter’s parents said they wanted it to feel “authentic” for Olivia, so it would be better to do it at an actual wedding.
When they started raising their voices, Peter and I left. But since then Peter’s family has been spamming us with messages about how terrible we’re being to Olivia and how they can’t believe we’re not being considerate of her wishes.
Peter and I both frequent this sub, so we wanted to know what the Internet thinks. Are we being unreasonable here?
NTA. This is entirely unreasonable. If it's her dying whish to get married she can ask her boyfriend to marry her? This is not your issue.