this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2023
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Honestly, the solution to this, I think, is to start complimenting other men. Men don't compliment each other because they're afraid of being seen as gay (even if they're not aware of it, it's fully ingrained into us from the time we're children). Breaking that barrier and complimenting other men, and not (openly) caring about that stigma will help other men do the same. Eventually, men will start complimenting each other.
Note, I say this as a gay man, so I'm sort of past the whole humiliation of people thinking I'm gay bit. I understand it would likely be more difficult for a straight guy, because you (they?) have to also worry about losing potential romantic partners if people think you're queer.
Honestly, it really shouldn't be a worry. Maybe it's me, but unless they're being really obvious about another guy's body, I can't think of a compliment that would give me that impression.
Even muscles, if the subject is in fact jacked, I would just think they're a really supportive person and like them more because of it. The insinuation about their innate personality would briefly grab my attention.
Oh, completely agree. It's ridiculous for people to fear that reaction, and ridiculous for people to assume something based on a compliment. But it's one of those things that isn't going to change until we all just say fuck it and change it. I'm rooting for gen z to do this. Lol.
Tell that to men that have been threatened or even had their asses kicked for doing that. A lot of men out there get violent when they think a man is hitting on them.
A while back I started doing this thing where I give a genuine and specific compliment to a stranger whenever it occurs to me, then immediately disengaging.
In my mind, by the time they've processed the words I'm no longer trying to interact with them - I try to be specific so it hopefully feels genuine, but I get out of there immediately
I have no idea if it lands like intended, but some girl complimented my leopard shoes while power walking past, and it was way more memorable. Having to suddenly decode someone's intentions leaves my mind too busy to internalize a compliment, and usually I just shrug off compliments if it's not something I'm proud of, but the drive by compliment sticks with me