this post was submitted on 10 Dec 2023
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The Right Can't Meme
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As someone in their late twenties who just recently came to understand and accept that I am nonbinary, I applaud you for your acceptance of your kid.
I never fit in growing up and never knew why. Now as an adult I still probably won't mention it to my parents, despite making some significant life changes, due to their proven lack of empathy.
That sucks, I'm sorry. If there's anyone in your life who should accept you for who you are, it's your parents. They're the ones who have seen the most of your life experiences, and who contributed whatever stuff you were born with.
I certainly wish our child had an easier situation, but they're beautiful and brilliant and kind, and we couldn't be prouder of who they've become.
No need to apologize but I appreciate the empathy! We definitely need more parents like you in the world. Though your parenting may be more challenging than some have it, just know the tremendous impact you are making by being accepting of them!
The crazy thing is that I am actually a parent myself. It is very challenging to work towards being who I want to be, my true self, compared to what I grew up thinking a parent should look like. It is especially hard to become myself outwardly, in this stage of life, without feeling like I am putting my needs above my family's. For this reason I again appreciate your views on your kid - I very much wish I knew myself earlier on.
Nonetheless, through the help of therapy, my current focus is to be, love, and accept my authentic self such that my little ones can see an example of acceptance in whomever they want to be. The nonbinary parent role models are few and far between so I must try to be my own!
Inspiring comment. You know, for eons (and still, somewhat today) people in horrible marriages would stay together "for the children." Maybe a laudable sacrifice, but it turns out that it screws up the kids worse than divorcing and getting into healthy relationships, because kids learn about relationships from watching their parents.
I feel like that's analogous to a non-binary or trans parent keeping their true self hidden to protect the children. I don't think it's been studied, but I think it's very likely that a similar thing would happen and the kids would be better off being with parents who love themselves for who they are.
So good job, I think you're doing the right thing.
Very interesting analogy that is certainly of the same mindset. It may feel "best" or "most appropriate" to avoid a disruptive or countercultural change, but it won't ultimately be for the benefit of anyone. All that it would create is a slow burn of regret and animosity for oneself and those whom you were trying to put first. Life is hard, might as well make it worthwhile! Thanks for the validation and likewise to yourself, I wish you all the best.