this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2023
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Men's Liberation
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Recommended Reading
- The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, And Love by bell hooks
- Politics of Masculinities: Men in Movements by Michael Messner
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I'd say the opposite. It's an obvious red flag that someone doesn't open up about anything.
Not my experience, but something not too different.
In every relationship, someone has to be the safe harbor for the other to withstand the occasional emotional crisis. This role can and should be taken in turns so that each one gets each other's back. But when your insecurity/vulnerability matches with the other person, it takes a freaking HUGE amount of emotional intelligence and energy to be the person that tanks the crisis this one time and open up about this later, when the other person is ready to take turns.
What I observe in practice is that people (man and women) only learn how to deal with this situation in two extreme ways: 1) spiral into the storm along the partner - which is a fuckup because the other person is not ready for this; 2) suck it up forever and ever - which builds up resentment long-term.
There is a middle path. It takes time to acquire it, it takes even more time to teach it to a partner, but it's one of the main ingredients of constructive conflict resolution.