this post was submitted on 24 Dec 2023
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Yeah, in discussions like this it's important to put out both the "it's okay if you've got a deep curiousity/desire to be the other gender that you want to explore to see if it leads somewhere more" and the "there's nothing wrong with just having fun exploring other identities or bodies without it being some kind of deep-seated transgender thing." I think the "egg_irl" reaction is sometimes harmful because it ends up pressuring people who really aren't transgender but who would be perfect allies if they weren't ending up feeling annoyed by the whole thing.
No one who can be annoyed out of allyship would have been a particularly steadfast ally regardless how many eggshells one stepped around while dealing with them.
You may not be aware of just how annoying and downright offensive it is to have eager "helpful" people instantly jumping to "aha, you're trans and I will help you come to terms with that!" When you mention that your roleplaying characters or whatnot play around with various genders. It's probably not quite on the same level as people assuming gay people are just "rebelling" or "going through a phase" or whatever and will just get over it, but I imagine it feels along those same general lines.
There surely are some people who are indeed a metaphorical "egg" just waiting to crack, but everyone should have the right to feel comfortable with themselves regardless. Dismissing those offended feelings as walking on eggshells misses that point.
There is something my therapist pointed out to me, who was feeling like fraud about being trans. There is some peer pressure out there on how you have to be to be trans. We are not talking about mean peer pressure, but if you see that bodily transitioning is the way for apparently every trans person, then that must be the way for you too, right? And what if you really dread procedures or meds? Or if you are maybe not super happy with your body, but who ever is? Does that make you less trans? I think it really helps to think of trans as a spectrum and exploring it slowly. And maybe you find your gender identity on that spectrum or you feel role playing etc. is just some good fun. And if you find yourself on that spectrum you can go into character creation and say, I’m fine with the presets or change things up, the result will always be beautifully you.
I said "around", not "on". It was rather clever wordplay.
Telling every single person in the world there are possibilities they can explore is a good thing and no level of unease at that self-examination is any person counters that good.
A person who is trans will be better off knowing and dealing with it and the sooner the better.
A person who isn't trans is part of the dominate social hierarchy and will be fine, even if they are exposed to info that doesn't apply to them or the consideration of that info makes them feel icky.
I empathize if you've been tied to a chair and forcibly boofed with horse urine, I condemn such an affront to your autonomy.
I do point out that that this is a reply thread than began with someone informing a person hormones existed and describing their effects. No comment was made that the person to whom this info was proffered should take the substance, nor was any comment made about what it would mean for anyone's identity whom did.
If it is being suggested to me I should consider the "harm" a hypothetical cis person may come to in being told it's possible to not be cis and in so considering refrain from or hesitate in informing a hypothetical trans person of the same, I never will.
A person can say, "I am confidently cisgender and enjoy typical pastimes generally associated with my sex." That is a great time to tell them hrt exists and what it does.
A person can say, "Nice weather today, huh?" That is a great time to tell them hrt exists and what it does.
Rose Tyler can walk into the time vortex of a TARDIS heart, and that would be a great time to write that hrt exists and what it does across all of time and space.
No one is better off not knowing transition is possible, and the implication mention of trans existence should ever be avoided for the benefit of non-trans persons I find just-this-side-of troubling.
Didn't cross my mind that someone would suggest that I'd be trans (just) because I want to play female characters too (and sometimes robots and others).
The thought alone feels so strange to me (to me personally)!
Of course a joke is a joke and OK in my case (when the intention is good) but if someone insisted that I'm a trans based on my game characters only, I would get upset.
So you know how annoying it is when someone tells you they know your gender better than you. That you are wrong about your gender and should do therapy to be the gender they think you should be? Oh, you do? Then please stop doing it. Thanks.
Acknowledging non-cis gender experiences exist is not telling anyone what their gender is, but having a huff when people express that it is possible to have a non-cis experience of gender is doing the thing you seem to be complaining about.