this post was submitted on 09 Jan 2024
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Another thing this made me thing of was how desire is portrayed. With men it's about what they can have, with women it's about what they can be.
Yeah it’s a complicated feeling as a lesbian and like it can make it awkward being with someone with my body type because sometimes the lustful desire to have can get infiltrated by the desire to be which is really bad for relationships.
And yeah being stared at and observed without permission is uncomfortable whether it’s out of envy or lust. And much like crushing on a stranger this is all a perversion of something healthy. Part of learning makeup and style and feminine arts is through observation and emulation, but it’s adaption when done in a healthy way.
For example I recently was flirting and exchanging lipstick recommendations with a woman I met at an event because we both loved each other’s lipstick, but if I tried to copy her style completely or vice versa we’d look terrible and inauthentic, we just both happen to look good with similar shades that many people are uncomfortable trying (very dark). I can absolutely imagine a socially maladapted woman looking at her and rather than expressing a genuine compliment and noticing what helps make the bold choice look good, just staring and trying to copy her entire look.
And considering we live in an era where people who put in movie star levels of effort try to sell themselves as achievable it definitely does create an environment for socially maladapted women to be really fucking creepy about this shit. A lot of social media influencer stuff is really creepy from the outside, and it definitely does feel very voyeuristic
Oh don't gete started on the performative nature of social media. And yes it is creepy, pre lemmy I had quit all social media for 3 or so years after I once stalked the profile of a stranger on reddit and saw a lot of information, I had done this a few times to to write characters as a creative writimg exercise but that account was very personal.
Your first paragraph is fascinating, I couldnt imagine how this would feel but you have a very unique perspective on this. Thats fascinating. Thank you.
Yeah I try not to let social media be a thing of clout chasing. I have opinions and like to share them so it’s mostly an outlet for that for me. But I have made friends and community that way. It’s why I always preferred Reddit to tumblr and Twitter. Idgaf who you are, I care what people have to say about things I’m interested in.
And yeah it’s definitely weird. But yeah the real danger is dating someone who looks how you wish you looked. Like I wish my boobs were bigger and my gf is absolutely stacked, but she’s short and fat and im tall and lanky so it doesn’t really translate, but someone who looked like me with bigger boobs? Yeah she’d be hot, but at some point I’m gonna wind up uncomfortable with my perceived inadequacy.
I have the same relationship with social media minus the getting to know people off of social media. Repeatedly seeing the same account-sure. But never engaged in a private convo with someone. This might be the most personal one ever.
Maybe it's fascinatimg to me bc i'm straight but I really appreciate your POV, thank you for that. You might just have been the perfect person to have had this conversation with.
Yeah lol I have people I saw on Reddit for years and years later I’ve been to their house in a different state. That’s the thing, when I interact with people online I do it as equals or with a clear understanding that it’s an artist whose work I like. Or as a mod, which is it’s own thing. But the point there being that I treat folks like you like I would a conversation in line at a bar, maybe we wind up chatting, maybe I say something I feel needs to be said to something I overheard. If I see you around enough we might get to know each other or develop friendships, but it’s because I’m not being weird about it.
I’m glad to have broadened your perspective!