this post was submitted on 12 Jan 2024
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"What is my purpose?"
"You help people get cancer by lighting their cigarettes, cigars, and pipes and occasionally arsonists burning down orphanages."
"Oh my God."
People who light up candles: π
Birthdays don't exist. That's a myth made up by Big Cake to get people to buy more cake.
..you guys don't use long stick lighters to light birthday candles, so as to not burn yourself when lighting 30 of those sumbitches?
Nah, I just use my Spaceballs The Flame Thrower, the kids love that one.
No. πΏ
Rechargeable electric lighter, baybee!
Edit: Also 2 pack of 0-9 reusable cake toppers
Really want a big cake now
Iβm sorry but youβve been fooled. Itβs not big cake, itβs actually big candle. Big cake was just a decoy for big candle so people would focus their attention on an invisible enemy while they destroyed peoples lives from the shadows. Tell everyone.
I didnβt kill myself.
..where are you getting invisible cakes? π€
Of course you didn't!
Falling out of the window was an accident.
Big if true
Candles are actually bad for your home air and so are open wood fires, despite their romantic image. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jan/09/too-many-smelly-candles-heres-how-scents-impact-the-air-quality-in-your-home
Do people still light their cigarettes with matches though? I can't remember the last time I've seen anyone even own matches outside of a survival kit lol
According to George Bluth matches are superior for lighting cigars (and probably pipes).
My grandpa used to keep cheap disposable matchbooks with him to light his pipe, the matches inside were basically paper, and I could never figure out how he lit them because every time I tried they would break or bend.
My trick is to fold the flap over top the match and lightly squeeze.
It took me a lot of practice back when I used to use them lol a lot of the time I would fold over the back of the matchbook and strike the match between the sides of the cover
Yup this is how I do it too
Pretty sure this is the intended way too
You hold the match with your index and middle finger, pinch the matchhead between your thumb and the striker, pull, and then just pull your thumb back before it actually gets hot.
Leaves you in a perfect position to block and wind with your palm/thumb. Just gotta be quick or you get burnt- or just have tough hands.
Then you just pinch the matchhead with your thumb/ring finger to put it out.
use a wooden match
I know a lot of people who use them to light their fireplaces, since you just kinda prop it in there and leave it, which is unwise to do with a lighter.
I used to use em for a bong because it seemed real cool at the time.
Some liquor stores will give you matches if you ask, for free. It's not terribly common, but it's helpful if you're a smoker and your lighter runs out.
Cigarettes probably not, cigars yeah. Apparently the gas from a lighter can ruin the taste of it.
I use them for lighting up lamps
Barbeque pitmasters in shambles
On the bright side he can get some relief in knowing he's taking them down with him.