this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2023
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Autism

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I don't understand why I can't be blunt. (lemmy.world)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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lemmy deleted my completely finished post right before posting so let's try this again. I find it so annoying that I have to sugarcoat everything. I feel like I'm coddling people. I understand being polite to strangers, but it's so annoying when my family, who knows I'm autistic, gets upset at my bluntness. I've explained multiple times that I'm not trying to be rude and I'm just trying to communicate in a way that works for me, but it doesn't work. I just don't understand why I have to say "hey, would you mind not letting the dogs tangle? thank you:)" in some high pitched voice when I could just say, "can you not let the dogs tangle?" in a tone that conveys I'm serious. it's so much easier when intentions are simply stated.

edit: I'm having trouble posting comments but thank you for all your responses! it's helping me see things a bit easier, and I definitely have things I can work on now :)

another edit for clarity: my family and I have talked about my communication style. I've tried to find ways to meet them in the middle, as I want a compromise. they've been unsuccessful but I'm continuing to try. I want to be at a point where it's not stressful and exhausting to talk to my family. this was more of just a vent post, as I was feeling really annoyed.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Alternative middle ground: "Please don't let the dogs tangle."

I struggled with tact for a long time, but after years of trying to be conscious if it with my interactions, I feel like I'm making progress. It's something we have to practice consciously to have any success at.

[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

The biggest success I saw was when I permanently changed "can you not (insert thing)" to "Please don't (insert thing)." Also, no longer using that high pitched tone but "using my tummy voice" helps me feel more grounded without stomping my feet. Others tell me it feels more authentic when I use my words with that voice, and it comes off more like the "real me." It took about 4 years to get used to it, but now it feels good!