this post was submitted on 05 Feb 2024
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This is me and I wonder if this is due to some deep seeded insecurity. When I get a week's worth of work done in a day and it's just average, I can feel ok about it because damn I did it in a day. But if I spend a week and it's average then fuck I feel dumb.
Hmm. Yeah. Healthy.
This is me so much. At my new apprenticeship, we basically have a sort of probation period for the first semester where you need to achieve a certain average grade to be allowed to continue the apprenticeship. Accross all of the grades I got, except for one, I got the same average grades that I used to get back in school and in university where I used to do the same thing you describe. I just can't make myself work any earlier for the exams.
Today was our last exam and my average is good enough that I won't get kicked out which is a huge relief. But damn does it suck to hear that I have the same average grades I've had for years compared to my classmates who have stellar grades. I know comparing myself to my peers isn't really conducive for my self-esteem and my psyche, but I just can't help it.