this post was submitted on 12 Feb 2024
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childfree

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I'm in my early thirties and adamantly childfree. I'm lucky enough to be in a long-term relationship with someone who brought up her desire to be childfree on more or less our first date. But I am not having too much luck with my friends from childhood and university - they all seem to be wanting kids, and learning of their pregnancies leaves me with a feeling of sadness. I don't hate kids and think no one should have them, and I am happy for them if they truly wanted this, but I also know what them having kids will mean - we are essentially putting our friendship on hiatus, and I still don't know whether waiting 10 years for the kids to be a bit more independent and not requiring as much attention will mean I suddenly have friends again, but somehow I very much doubt it. And I also don't want 10 years without other friends than my girlfriend. She is in very much the same situation, and while we are good at making the best out of not having kids and stressing about having them, we both would want to be able to hang out with good friends once in a while, both common between us, but also some that are exclusive to each of us.

My assumption is that this is quite common - so I am hoping someone would like to share some success stories in turning this situation around. :)

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

still have to play nice with at family functions

I'm lucky to not have any of those, then.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

You don't have family functions? Or are your family members all outwardly hostile toward each other when you get together?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 0 points 6 months ago (1 children)

You mentioned in another comment having lots of uncles. Your family never gets together? No holidays, weddings, funerals, birthday parties, family reunions, etc?

If that's the case, I don't really see your opposition to being an uncle, it apparently comes with no added obligations in your family.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

You mentioned in another comment having lots of uncles. Your family never gets together? No holidays, weddings, funerals, birthday parties, family reunions, etc?

Very rarely, and it doesn't involve any obligation. My mother's side of the family is in another country, and I'm not close with my father's side. Besides, nobody is entitled to my time by default.

If that's the case, I don't really see your opposition to being an uncle

Words have meaning. Implying a relationship of any kind with kids when I despise them is insulting.