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Let me check the time real quick (lemm.ee)

submitted 9 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 64 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Father, I cannot click the watch

[–] [email protected] 50 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Dearest birthing parent of mine, this timepiece responds not to my attempts at manipulation

[–] [email protected] 24 points 9 months ago (1 children)

To whom it may concern (the progenitor of my very existence):

The clockwork temporal measurement device strapped 'pon the writhing fleshy tentacle protruding from mine own thorax remains sullen and unchanging despite my best efforts at provocation.

Please advise.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago (1 children)

O dear original source of half of my genetic material, including the differentiating heterotypical chromosome!

Despite my many attempts at interacting through my somatosensory system with what looked like a haptic receptor of a timekeeping mechanism attached to my sinestro-anterior limb, the visual indicator of the aforementioned radiocarpal joint-mounted machine keeping track of the flow of hours, minutes and seconds (important: please note only the latter is a SI unit) remains devoid of any hint of a reactive process consequential to my stimulus.

What the fuck.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Brought forth, my mind, my spirit, conscience and flesh and all
Into this universe, by merit of affections made by thee
As forebearer, Zeus as to Hephaestus, as you to me
Echoing ancestral age's call

From infant times, whenst could I not procure my own
Through learning and advancing in my worth
You held me high, and pushed me forth
By song affirmative in words and tone

This trust of merits, my esteem, oft besong by you
Make these words, this moment, this request
Become the heaviest of my behest
Albeit an inquire I can not undo

Upon my arm, as equator round our very earth
Is bound with leather strap, and nimble lock
A dream of time, of days, of tick and tock
Of life, it's passage, to the grave from birth

A timepiece, chroniker, a metronome, a watch
In and of itself a wondrous thing
And as I watch it circumnavigate it's ring
I have but a single question, single catch

When on it's surface, with extended digits laid
With tap, with stroke, with haste, with patience and between
Expected outcome of my action, none are seen
And of my merits, now am I afraid

I humbly ask of you, my genesis, my kin
Am I the one who know not how to utilize
This measurer of time, this timeless prize
Am I unknown to functions laid within

No prodding, poking, touch or stroke
Have rendered changes visually
And therefore I conclude I now can see
The functions I can not provoke

I utter loudly "what the fuck"
Have you equipped it with parental lock?