Well, I really enjoy that everything makes much more sense after my self-discovery. I always felt like an alien in a world where everyone else just intuitively gets the rules. After discovering that I'm trans and autistic, this just confirmed that I am indeed somehow an alien. And now that I know that I'm different I try to learn to mask (emulate my behavior?) less and be more my self. But it is also pretty hard to come to terms with not fitting in this society and that it will probably always exclude me in some way. It just drains so much energy to be marginalized on a frequent basis. People that stare at me, are confused by my gender presentation or my way to talk. This whole society is just build to accommodate people that are not like me. It is nice to have my like-minded friends, but it still is kind of a lonely life full of barriers.
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I’m mostly just grateful to live in a time and place where the consequences of living openly as myself aren’t all that severe. Though bigoted legislation may come for us yet 😬
Yes! I love being bi and nonbinary. I love that it opened me up to a huge community of people who I otherwise might not have gotten to know. I love girls and I love guys. I love sharing my love of girls with my male partner. I love being seen and accepted for who I am in ways that are comfortable for me - not trying to conform to an image of masculine or feminine, but rather, being seen as someone who is both and neither, just getting to be "some guy" and "a cute girl" at the same time.
I don't regret a thing about it; my only regret is that I didn't figure out I should do something about not being cis sooner, and that I could've gotten puberty blockers before it was too late. If I could've delayed puberty, I could avoid having to save up tens of thousands of dollars for top surgery.
It's so much easier going through life without constantly having to fight various parts of myself.
Absolutely. I’m so much happier now that I’ve realized I’m trans (and have been transitioning for a while). For the first time in my life, I truly feel like myself.
Am I happy? I certainly feel more complete since I figured things out. I don't know though, it's almost like asking if I'm happy I'm right handed or have curly hair. Being pan is just part of me, and it's a part I embrace. I think when people talk about pride, what resonates to me is more "the complete absence of shame" rather than the feeling I get for accomplishing something. Happiness feels similar to me.
+1 for "pride is the complete absence of shame"
i agree a lot with this. maybe it’s because i don’t feel like i had a lot of figuring things out with being bi? like, i just sort of was like “hmm i think i like girls” one day when i was younger, and now it’s no big deal. i’m happy for other people who consider it a larger part of their identity, but i haven’t felt that way in a very long time personally.
I'm trans.
I can't possibly describe in words how much better my life is since coming out. Things are hard for us right now, and I wish that fear wasn't there, but mentally it's like I'm actually living for the first time. I was an absolute husk of a person before discovering who I really was and taking some steps for transition. It's both the hardest and most beautiful thing I've ever done.
Only thing I'd change is wishing I had discovered it sooner
I'm trans, so 100% living a better life since coming out. It's not even close.
Yes, discovering I'm aroace and not broken was brilliant. It gives me permission to live how I want and not feel like I'm missing out.
Absolutely.
Discovering that I was trans was the start of a long journey for me -- one that I'm not very proud of how it started, with suppressing it for the first decade or so out of fear of losing the people and things I cared most about. But I'm here now, I'm out, I'm transitioning, and I honestly had no idea that life could feel this good.
Definitely feel it on the suppression front. I remember "figuring it out" when I was around 12, when I'd first heard of being trans, and knowing that that was me, and that I needed to shove it down as deep as possible because of what everyone said about trans people. I didn't really start coming out as nb until I was maybe 24, and now it's just amazing to live in a new place with new people who all know me as I really am. I'm so much happier now 🥺
I know it's not the case everywhere, but I also am so amazed at how different things are for kids/teens nowadays. I felt like a freak that had to hide forever so no one could learn my horrible secret. Now, there are people I knew as babies who are out, and their friends celebrate them so authentically. Being out in high school was unimaginable to me; it's really beautiful to see that things are so different. Things are getting better socially (even if politically they're still a dumpster fire), and it gives me hope for the future.
Okay, maybe it was closer to two decades when I think about it 😅
Felt some dysphoric feelings when I was young, didn't realize that it could be gender related til I was at least 20 or so, didn't actually come out and start transitioning until 38... oops
The 90's and 00's weren't the best for representation of what "trans" is.
For sure. There are so many examples of shitty depictions of trans people from that time, but for some reason, the one that specifically really stuck with me was the movie Click - probably because it was one of the only depictions of FtM people I'd seen in media, like, ever, at the time. It reinforced the idea that if I was trans, that would be a horrible thing, and I could never let anybody know.
I'm so glad that things are so completely different now; the depictions of trans people in media now are so varied and there are many really positive ones, and it's really lovely to see the trans pride flag out and about. Being a transphobe is popular among shitheads, but it's much more uncool than back then; if you're openly a transphobe nowadays, most people probably hate dealing with you.
@Bicyclejohn I am. I love my wife. I can barely imagine the version of me who doesn't have her + doesn't realize I love girls. Maybe that version of me would be happy too ... but this version is my favorite!
Glad to hear. I'm kind of conflicted on whether I like being bi. Would be easier if I was gay. I love my bf but it's been really hard these past 20 days. I'm scared I lost him. He's been mia for 20 days now. I'm starting to fear he might be dead
Oh no! That’s awful. Did you report him missing to the authorities?
No i didnt. Different countries. I'm in malta he's in Romania. Its long distance.
Wait, are they trans or do they have multiple personalities?
Not as far as he told me
omg 🤦♀️ i read missing in action as the name Mia... sorry my bad...
I mean, as an asexual its hit and miss if I enjoy it. Like, being such a small subset i feel removed from most societal norms. Those with a sex drive, regardless who its for, still fit in to the sexual nature of human existence while I don't. I don't get off nor do I have attractions to any gender, I lack all of a sex drive so I am mainly one who views everything from the outside. Then again I love it as I am not distracted by anything and don't have those sexual vices. I however don't really come out to anyone about it unless it comes up in conversation, as most people don't seem to understand how it's even possible. I been told many times that I am lying or I just haven't found the right person yet.
As a fellow ace, I feel this so much. It's why I think it's important for people to talk about and understand the unique struggles asexual people deal with.
i agree with this. it’s been hard for me personally because, as a sex repulsed ace, i’ve felt very unwelcome and ostracized in all sorts of situations, among aces and allos alike. making new friends can be hard with my limitations of really not liking any sort of sexual jokes or discussion, and so many ace spaces are full of grays/favourables who actually have sex all the time, and aces who are super proud of their identity and see no downsides at all, and i’m just neither of those.
i’m a LOT more comfortable with myself than i used to be thankfully, but sometimes it’s still hard. i wouldn’t say i feel proud to be biromantic simply because that’s a natural part of me i’ve never really had issues with internally or with others, but i’m somewhat proud of my asexuality simply because i’ve actually had to fight to be okay with what i am. that feels like something i should be proud of.
learning about this part of myself was one of the only parts of my life that has been a net positive for me!
i can not express my love of being gay, kinky, poly, and most of the things that make me me… i love our culture, our creativity, and our relatively high levels of compassion. i love being sex positive, i love just doing what feels good, i love being able to express myself and feel seen!
Yeah, it honestly explained so much.
Felt more like I was at peace than happy
Yup! In a way I can't really explain, being non-binary makes me feel like a wizard.
I think there is a tendency, at least in the early phase of discovering you're queer, to believe there's something remarkable about that. I certainly thought so for a while, especially because where I'm from being openly queer was not as prevalent 15 years ago as it is now. I'm happy to have friends who don't treat me differently for being queer, who love and support me for who I am.
My life is a lot better than it used to be. Most notably I have a better feeling of understanding not just for myself, but for others (I grew up in a homophobic environment and it took some time to shake that off).
Yes... it's good to have a better understanding of oneself. It's been a bit of a roller coaster though...
First exploring and understanding the bi side of my sexuality... and more recently there's been exploration of a long buried fem side.
Came out at work as they/them a few weeks back... was at a Pride march yesterday.
Now ready to hide under a blanket and cuddle a stuffie....
Glad you're doing ok I'm starting to explore too
Yes I am
It really helped accepting myself for who I was rather than drinking myself to death because I believed there was something wrong with me.
I still haven't told my family I'm bi, but honestly I'm not missing out on much due to many of them disowning me already due to politics for other reasons.
Yes, and some extra peace. I felt that now I know more about myself that before.
When I discover that I'm asex, I felt like many puzzle pieces clicked at place. When I accepted that I'm aromantic, I got some peace as I understood that pressure that hetero-amatonormaty had on me. And now, that cracked my egg and understand now that I'm enby, I feel liberated. But also I feel some afraid, but also hope, about the future.
The only thing that I lament, it's not knowing my self before, and the lost time.
For the longest time no, it took me years to accept that I'm ace and I felt disappointed that I may be lonely for the rest of my life. But recently I met the most wonderful ace girl whom I wouldn't have met otherwise, so I'm thankful for it now.
Figuring out that I'm intersex explained a lot for me and gave me a way to make sense of traumatic things from my pubescent years. Meeting people with similar experiences, even though they are traumatic experiences, was something very joyful for realizing I was not alone nor a weird freak.
Learning the term ipsogender was also a joyful thing for me since gave me a way to articulate that even though I agree with my assigned gender I have a lot of baggage about it and honestly relate more to trans people than to cis people.
(I'm also bi but I figured that out at an early age, my parents were reasonably supportive, and it wasn't the same kind of galaxybrain process for me as figuring out sex/gender.)
Before I came out I was so frustrated, lonely, and depressed that I would have probably ended it all. Afterwards, my life improved tremendously.
Overall I'm happy. finding out I was aroace helped explain so much of my life up to that point, and it's easier to give myself grace when I don't bother seeking out relationships like everyone else in my life does
I don’t know if I really like being a bi guy.
I’m getting married to the woman of my dreams and she’s been nothing but supportive of me (came out to her and myself like 3 years ago). So that’s the good. We have threesomes and everyone enjoys themselves.
The bad is that I don’t have any family or friends that are supportive. One of my very close friends all throughout uni got absolutely weirded out when I let it slip (despite her being pansexual herself) and basically ended our friendship. Lots of gay dudes I chat with want nothing to do with bi guys so there’s also a lil twinge of feeling othered.
Why are we hated from all sides
I guess a societal double standard on women being bi vs men being bi. Maybe sprinkle some deep-seated homophobia for fun. Idk I just think weeners r fun.
I've been in these shoes, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. Young people seem a lot more accepting of bi men in my experience, so my hope is that we're the last generation that has to deal with this.
One can hope :)